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Sample ESSAY TEXT



                   %DEPENDENCY AS CONTROL TECHNIQUE 870419

     Some  human relationships are manipulative in  subtle
ways.   Some people like to be overtly in control and need
others to control.   Other people like to  be  covertly in
control,  and need some people to apparently control  them
while  they as apparent victims  are in covert and  subtle
control of the controller.  Such  relationships  of mutual
complementary forms of control  satisfy at one level,  and
yet leave participants frustrated and prone to violence at
other  levels.    Their interdependency  is not a  healthy
interdependency,   but  one  of  mutual  manipulation  and
control with  the  inevitable forms   of   resentment  and
rebellion which go with personal manipulation of any form.
Yet some people do not know of, nor can  imagine  any more
satisfying form  of  human relationship than one of mutual
control in interdependent ways.

     If  it  is important to be in control  and  important
people  are  in  control,   it follows  that  being  in  a
relationship of control-interdependency with an  important
person  who  is  in great control is a sign of  one's  own
importance.

     If  some people are more desirable than others and  a
very desirable person chooses to participate with you in a
relationship   of   interdependent   control,   then  such
willingness   on   the  desirable  person's  part   is   a
sign/affirmation  of one's own importance as a person  who
is  in  control,  and of that person's willingness  to  be
bound up in a control relationship.

     When any person who is bound up in a relationship  of
interdependent   control   seeks   to  escape   from   the
relationship,  the  other person who is dependent upon the
control relationship will be threatened and seek to regain
control of the relationship.   The relationship is defined
by  a contract of mutual dependency upon being in  control
and being controlled.  The commitment is eternal.  It is a
violation of the contract to seek to escape the control of
the  other.    The  "holy"  agreement was to  accept  each
other's  control  for ever as in "holy"  matrimony.    The
agreement  initiated  a  collusive  game  of  mutual  self
deception and it is an eternal game to the death.

                         (c) 1997 by Paul A. Smith in
                      "Search for Integrity and Honesty"
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)

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