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%INTIMATE PARADIGM DICHOTOMOUS RELATIONSHIP ABANDON 930421

     Intimate   relationships   progress   toward     more
integrative   and  meaningful  intimacy  so  long  as  all
participants work  to  maintain  balanced:  vulnerability,
power,    benefits,    costs,    security,    perceptions,
understanding, hopes, expectations and anticipations. When
balance is  lost  there is great risk  that  in  turn  the
participants will abandon the paradigm of seeking security
through gifts of safe vulnerability,  and turn instead  to
the  paradigm  of seeking security  through  progressively
more threatening  defensive  measures which are alienative
and   which   promote  the  development   of   collusions,
addictions and codependent supporters.

     True  security  requires dynamic balance which is not
statically   stable.    To  maintain  true  security   the
participants  in the truly secure community must regularly
work to  maintain  the condition of dynamic  balance  with
regard  to:   vulnerability,   power,   benefits,   costs,
security,    perceptions,    understanding,    hopes   and
expectations and anticipations.  Thus true security is not
a  destination at which one can adopt a static posture and
stay  secure.   Yet true  security  can  be  a  continuing
condition   of  healthy  balance   among   dynamic  living
creatures  living   with integrity as individuals within a
community of integrity.

     The  defensive paradigm is never balanced and  always
moves  people  progressively  toward   higher  levels   of
insecurity,  distrust,  uncertainty,  fear,  threats,  and
preparations for violations, violence,  and disintegration
of people and communities. The defensive paradigm leads to
a  terminal process  of  disintegration which destroys the
individuals and communities  which  adopt  and  defend the
defensive paradigm at all costs;  including at the cost of
sacrificing all their honesty, trust, resources, integrity
and security.
                         (c) 1997 by Paul A. Smith in
                      "Search for Integrity and Honesty"
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)

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