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%CONTROLLERS LEGITIMATE STANDING CONCERN COMPLAINT+990628
%PREOCCUPATION FEARS ANXIETY PLAINTIFF GRIEVANCE 990628
There are often tensions between people who are
preoccupied with issues of control --- and people who seek
to liberate others to live healthy lives in
relationships which are guided by true love; i.e., love
which gives the freedom to be safely vulnerable in open
and honest ways.
Controllers are uneasy when there seem to be
inadequate controls, rules, commandments, discipline,
regulations, prescriptions, proscriptions; i.e., when
people are excessively free to do what they want to
do together. Controllers feel that lives should be well
regulated. Controllers often think that they have
"standing" to complain about what undisciplined people
doing "without permission". Controllers are uneasy about
creative behaviors which do not follow specified
procedures and traditions. They feel that they have a
legitimate right to complain about other people's
undisciplined thoughts, desires and behaviors; and often
volunteer to serve as controllers and disciplinarians.
True lovers on the other hand see controllers as
unnecessarily preoccupied with controls --- and prone to
engender personal and communal disintegration by trying to
be in control of much that needs not be controlled, and
often cannot be controlled. True lovers do not see
controls as the appropriate response to most imprudent
thoughts, desires and behaviors; although in extreme
situations it may be necessary to impose controls on some
people who truly are threats to personal and communal
integrity. Imprudent controllers are in many instances a
greater threat to personal and communal integrity --- than
are the people whom they seek to control.
Imprudent controllers are often less concerned with
the likely outcomes of uncontrolled thoughts, desires and
behaviors --- than with the appearances of being properly
controlled. They fear the appearance of thoughts,
desires and behaviors --- which would embarrass
them, challenge provincial patterns, expose collusive
games of mutual self deception; or expose ignorance,
prejudice or confusion.
Often it is not a simple thing to discern which
people are imprudent controllers --- and which people
are imprudent lovers; and discern how conflicts between
them ought to be resolved.
(c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in
www.essayz.com Search for Integrity and Honesty
(On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)
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