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   %QUALITY PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS APPROACH DISCERN+981111                                                              
   %APPROACH EXPECT SEEK FLAWS ERRORS VULNERABILITY+981111                                                                     
     %PERSONAL COMMUNAL INTEGRITY SECURITY CONTROLS 981111                                                           
                                                                                                                               
     The  quality of people's inter-personal relationships                      
flow  from their attitudes toward each other ---  and  how                                               
they approach each other in contrasting ways.      
                                                                                                                               
     1.  Seeking  to discover and take advantage  of  each                                                                     
other's points of vulnerability; e.g., weaknesses, errors,                                                               
mistakes, ignorance, confusion, imperfections, etc.                                                                            
                                                                                                                               
     2.  Seeking  to discover and expand common ground  in                                                                     
experiences,   interests,  desires,  hopes,   perceptions,        
aspirations, beliefs, etc.             
                                                                                                                               
     3.  Seeking  to  prove each other  inferior,   wrong,                                                               
imperfect,  disloyal, unfaithful,  unreliable,  dishonest,                                                                  
etc.                                                                                                                           
                                                                                                                               
     4.  Seeking to discover the ways and senses in  which      
each other is: creative,  right, helpful, loyal, faithful,       
reliable, accurate, descriptive, perceptive, etc.        
                                                                                                                               
     People  who approach each other in manners which  are                                                               
negative,   destructive,   disintegrative,    contentious,                
coercive,   combative, etc. ---  usually are successful in                                                                     
proving  that there were good grounds for approaching each                                                                     
other  in   those  chosen  ways.       They  cooperate  in      
creating the circumstances  which justify their manners of                         
approach ---and suffer the consequences  of both  personal                                                                 
and communal disintegration.                                                                
                                                                                                                               
     People  who approach each other in manners which  are                                                               
positive,  constructive, integrative, reconciling, gentle,                                                                   
cooperative,  etc.  ---  usually are successful in proving                                                                     
that there were good grounds for approaching each other in                                                               
those ways.   They cooperate in creating the circumstances      
which justify their manners of approach --- and enjoy both                                                                     
personal and communal integrity and integration.                                                                
                                                                                                                               
     In  light  of the systemic bias which is  pointed  to                                    
above  in  instances  of the two  contrasting  manners  of                                                           
approach  ---  it is clear that demonstrations that  one's                                                                     
own  manner of approach leads to an apparent  confirmation                   
that there were good grounds for approaching each other in                                                               
the chosen manner  ---   are  not themselves  good grounds    
for regarding oneself as more "righteous"  than those  who       
chose  other    grounds.      Drawing   such   conclusions                                                               
engenders  disintegrative developments ---  no matter  who                                                                   
draws  such conclusions about their own particular  manner                   
of approach.                                                                                                                   
                                                                                                                               
     The central issue is not who is justified in  proving                                                                     
that  their manner of approach is  "superior",   "better",                                                                     
"God's",  "scriptural",  or "best".   The central issue is                                                                     
discerning and learning to live in ways which promote both      
personal and communal integration and integrity.   That is                                                                
not done while one is seeking to be "superior",  "better",                                                                     
"God's chosen", or "best".                                                                                                     
                                                                                                                               
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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