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%FOCUS PEOPLE LIVES ACCOMPLISH ACHIEVE RELATIONSHIP+961206
%KNOWLEDGE SKILL CONTACTS SUCCESS OWNERSHIP CONTROL+961206
%DOMINATE MANAGEMENT ADMINISTER LEADERSHIP CONFLICT 961206

     Different people find satisfaction, joy, pride and/or
security  in different ways.   Some ways lead to  personal
and communal integrity.   Other ways lead to personal  and
communal disintegration.

     Some  ways  focus  upon  individual  accomplishments,
achievements,  knowledge,  skills,  successes,  ownership,
dominance,   management,    administration,    leadership,
conflict,   etc.    Such  ways  often  lead  directly   or
indirectly to personal and communal disintegrations.

     Other   ways   focus  upon  the  qualities   of   the
RELATIONSHIPS     between   people;    and    upon     how
RELATIONSHIPS   can    become    more   open,      honest,
cooperative,      creative,    imaginative,      intimate,
meaningful and satisfying.    Such ways   often  lead   to
greater   personal    and    communal  integrity---and  to
greater levels of enjoyment thereof.

     The people who are preoccupied with the first kind of
ways  often cannot imagine,  or permit others to  imagine,
the latter integrative kinds of ways.    The latter  kinds
of  ways  are likely to expose the superficiality  of  the
former kinds of ways.

     Preoccupations  with the foci of the former kinds  of
ways  tend  to  undermine  the  possibility  of  continued
healthy/integrative    personal   RELATIONSHIPS---and   so
undermine the possibility of communal integrity.

     Authentic interest in fulfilling the possibilities of
the  integrative ways leads naturally to  healthy  changes
and  to  growth  which enables people and  communities  to
fulfill  their unique potentials---in ways which are often
non-conformal because they are truly creative.

     People  who  are interested in RELATIONSHIPS  do  not
point  fingers  at  individuals  in  judgmental/condemning
ways.  They seek to resolve conflicts  in order to improve
RELATIONSHIPS.     RELATIONSHIPS  are  not   improved   by
directing  attention  to  individuals  who  are  at-fault,
guilty,  shame-full, evil, wrong,  mistaken, unacceptable,
dispensable, etc.    Neither are RELATIONSHIPS improved by
directing   special  attention  to  individuals  who   are
superior, perfect, better-than-others, fault-less, etc.

     RELATIONSHIPS are improved by working to improve  the
contexts  within  which people can honestly know  security
which is enjoyed as the freedom to be safely vulnerable in
intimate relationships.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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