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   %LOVE NATURE ESSENCE FIRST SECOND COMMAND LISTEN+951205
    %HEALTHY INTEGRITY FOCUS FOCI ATTENTION BALANCE+951205
    %OBEY UNDERSTAND DESIRE INTERFERE UNDERMINE SIN+951205
    %OPEN HONEST TOUCH MIND BODY SOUL INTIMATE KNOW 951205

     Love  is referred to,  but not dominant,  in the  few
most important commandments.   To respond appropriately to
such  commandments  we must have a clear sense of what  is
central in healthy love;   for obviously  the commandments
are  not admonitions to love in unhealthy ways.   It makes
no  sense  to regard such commandments as  admonitions  to
love   in  ways  which  undermine  personal  and  communal
integrity.   There are many ways in which it does not make
sense to regard the admonitions  to  love.   Focusing upon
all those inappropriate ways to regard  and respond to the
admonitions---to the exclusion of focusing upon many other
appropriate ways to regard the admonitions---does not make
sense.   Neither does it make sense to focus upon only the
appropriate   ways  to  regard  the  admonitions---to  the
exclusion  of  ever focusing prudently upon  inappropriate
ways to regard  the admonitions.   Balance is essential in
how we regard the admonitions to love.

     Love is not real in the absence of real listening. If
we do not really listen to someone we do not love them. If
we do not seek to know what it is  that someone is seeking
to  communicate  to  us---we do  not  love them. Authentic
listening  is central to real love.   This  does not  mean
that we must agree with what we hear.   This does not mean
that we must obey.   This does not mean that we must  like
or respect what we hear.   It does mean that  listening to
another  person  with  a  desire to understand  the  other
person is  very  important.    Love leads us  to  seek  to
respect the integrity of persons and their communities  as
they are---and so to seek  to understand them through real
listening.

     Listening  is  incomplete   in   the  absence  of any
confirmation  that the message received  corresponds  well
with  the message sent.   We are prone to receive messages
which  we  expect  and want to receive;  and so  we  often
transform  messages which we  do not expect or  want  into
those which we expect and/or want.  Real listening entails
guarding against  such  distortions  which  occur  due  to
wishful  listening.   Love is not real in the  absence  of
efforts to confirm messages received.

     Love is not real in the absence of real dialogue.  If
we  are not really in dialogue with someone---our love  is
not  as complete as it might be.   We are not able on  our
own to make our love complete,  for we cannot control  all
that is entailed in complete love.    Making love complete
is a cooperative venture.

     Love  is  made  complete  only  when  another  person
participates  freely  and willingly  in  making  our  love
complete.     We  cannot  make/force  another  person   to
participate  freely  and  willingly  in  making  our  love
complete.

     Dialogue  is  made  real  only  when  another  person
participates freely and willingly  in  making our dialogue
real, authentic,  open and honest.  We cannot make someone
participate in real dialogue.

     If we  are  in  love with someone,  we  refrain  from
attitudes,  assumptions, questions,  beliefs, convictions,
preoccupations, foci,  and behaviors which  are  likely to
interfere  with real listening,  dialogue,   authenticity,
openness and  honesty.    If we are in love,  we  are  not
arrogant,  manipulative, coercive, pretentious,  dishonest
or judgmental.

     To be in love with someone means to be in touch with,
and involved with,  them through integrity of mind,  body,
soul  and  spirit---within the common  total  environment.
Those who are in love are inter-connected.   Those who are
not in love are dis-connected.

     To  be  in  love  with  someone  means  to  know  and
understand  many  of their needs and desires;  and  to  be
responsive  to them---yet not be controlled by them, or be
trying to control them.

     To  be in love with someone does not entail being  in
control,   being  controlled,  or being  preoccupied  with
issues of control;  rather  it leads to  transcending such
impediments to the fulfillment of love's possibilities.

     Being  in love entails being  emotionally  responsive
and  responsible;   for being responsible has to  do  with
being responsive,  open and honest.   Yet, being emotional
is not the essence of being in love.

     Being in love leads to integrative behaviors;  not to
disintegrative   behaviors.    Being  in  love  leads   to
inclusive behaviors, not to exclusive behaviors.  Being in
love leads to reconciliation, not to alienation.

     Love is not controlled by laws, rules, proscriptions,
prescriptions,   and taboos.  Love leads people in love to
transcend such  controls, and to enjoy what such  controls
seek to achieve---doing so in the absence of coercion  and
violence.

     God is love.   Being in love is being in the presence
of God, in God.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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