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   %WISE COPE CONFLICT RESOLUTION CONTEXT RELATIONS 951123

     How  wisely  and  effectively we cope  with  conflict
depends  in a large measure upon how clearly we recognize,
name  and  talk about the various kinds of conflict,   the
various  realities which may be in conflict,  the  various
kinds  of roots of conflict, and the many  contexts within
which we may need to deal with conflict:

     The  various  kinds of conflict include  the  obvious
conflicts between individual people as individuals.

     But   conflicts  can  involve  more  than  just   two
individuals.  Conflicts between families, groups, schools,
churches,  religions,  businesses,  neighborhoods, cities,
professions, unions, managers, corporations, states, races
and  nations  all have their own unique characters.    The
different  sizes  and  characters of  the  collections  of
people  who may be in conflict---generate different  kinds
of conflicts.

     But  it  is possible for conflicts to  exist  between
realities  which are not essentially people as  individual
people  or groups of people.    There are  many  conflicts
between  the ideals,  values,   principles,   assumptions,
attitudes,  beliefs,  convictions and laws which transcend
individual people and particular groups.   In a sense many
of  the conflicts between people and groups of people  are
rooted  in  the  conflicts between the   ideals,   values,
principles, assumptions, attitudes,  beliefs,  convictions
and   laws   which   they  embody---of  which   they   are
incarnations.    The  conflicts between people  cannot  be
resolved  without  addressing the  conflicts  between  the
ideals,  values,   principles,   assumptions,   attitudes,
beliefs, convictions and laws which they embody.

     Then, at  an even more difficult level there  can  be
conflicts  within individual people---between internalized
ideals,   values,   principles,  assumptions,   attitudes,
beliefs,  convictions and laws which are in conflict among
themselves  within  the heart,  mind and soul of  a  given
individual  person;  due to their personal history  within
their family,  schools,  cities, states, nations, etc.  of
origin.      Many   such  conflicts  may   be   completely
subconscious---yet  generate  much  tension,   contention,
anger, resentment and violence.

     There  can  be conflict between different  strategies
for  dealing  with conflict,  and between the  people  who
embody such different strategies:

     1.  Ignore it in the hope that it will go away.

     2.  Pretend it does not exist, because it is not good
to be obviously involved in a conflict.

     3.  Generate  confusion about the conflict hoping  to
make it appear to be other than it is.

     4.  Try to overwhelm opponents in conflict.

     5.  Try to gain the favor of opponents in conflict so
that they will not see you as one to be overwhelmed.

     6.  Seek to understand the roots of the conflict  and
resolve the root conflicts in fundamental ways.

     7.  Nurture   conflicts in ways which are  calculated
to yield personal or group advantages.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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