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 %KIND LEVEL INTIMATE RELATION EXCLUSIVE TIME LIMIT 950403

     Each  person  has  only so much time  and  energy  to
invest  in  intimate  personal  relationships---so  it  is
possible  to  saturate  ourselves  in  intimate   personal
relationships.   It is dishonest to attempt to be involved
beyond our levels of saturation.   Attempts to exceed  our
levels   of   saturation   lead  to   unhealthy   intimate
relationships.

     It  is useful to describe what  we  have found  about
levels of saturation in  intimate  personal relationships.
It is not always useful to prescribe what should  be  done
in regards to levels  of  saturation  in intimate personal
relationships.    Yet often people try to  prescribe  what
should  be done in regards  to  levels  of  saturation  in
intimate  personal  relationships---usually  in  terms  of
exclusivity, levels and kinds of intimacy,  and the number
of interacting  intimate  others.   Such prescriptions are
applied to: self, intimate-others, and yet other strangers
who are non-intimate-others.

     People who are prone  to be preoccupied with, even if
not   fixated   upon   such  prescriptions,    are   often
preoccupied  with  issues of  control,   management,   and
prescribing-life styles.

     In the above regards it is useful to note that:

     Descriptions  are  often helpful in situations  where
prescriptions are not helpful.   Descriptions of occasions
of   saturation   of   intimacy  can   be   helpful---when
prescriptions  regarding saturation of intimacy cannot  be
helpful.

     Different  people have different levels of saturation
in    regards   to   intimate   personal    relationships.
Circumstances which constitute intimacy-saturation for one
person will not necessarily constitute intimacy-saturation
for another person or relationship.

     People   who  are  dedicated  to  the  principle   of
exclusivity  in intimate relationships cannot  enter  into
multiple parallel relationships of any level of  intimacy;
and  are often troubled by being in the presence of  other
people who together enjoy entering  into multiple parallel
intimate relationships of various kinds.

     We  need  to  learn how to describe in  helpful  ways
under  what circumstances people of different  kinds  find
that  they  reach their saturation points  in  regards  to
various  kinds  of  intimacy.   Attempting  to  go  beyond
saturation levels in various kinds of intimacy can lead to
tragic  consequences---because often such  attempts entail
denials of human limits and limitations.  Dishonesty about
saturation   points   in  intimate   human   relationships
undermines   the   integrative  possibilities   of   human
relationships.

     People  who are dishonest about levels of  saturation
in people's intimate relationships do not promote personal
and communal integrity.  Such dishonesty may entail trying
to exceed their  own levels  of intimacy-saturation or may
interfering  with  other  people's intimate  relationships
which exceed their own levels of saturation;  but which do
not  exceed  intimacy-saturation for the  people  who  are
directly    involved   in   the   "offending"     intimate
relationships.

     The disintegrative consequences of people's intruding
into  other people's intimate relationships  are  greatest
when  the  intruders are  preoccupied  with  prescriptions
which   are   not   based  upon  many  open   and   honest
descriptions;  but  rather  are   arbitrary,   capricious,
prejudicial  and/or mean spirited.    In the absence of  a
history  of  open and honest descriptions of the  contexts
and   consequences   of  attempting  to   exceed   various
saturation  levels  of various kinds of people in  various
kinds of intimate relationships---prescriptions are rarely
wise, helpful or integrative.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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