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 %APPROACH MANNER RELATE DEVELOPMENT SECURE DEFENSE+950102
%INITIAL MEETING SELF OTHER SAY HELLO OK BEING SELF+950102
%CORPORATE ORGANIZE DEFENSE INSECURE OFFENSIVE EVIL+950102
 %ANTAGONISTIC ATTACH VIOLENT DRAMA ASSUMPTION FAIL+950102
    %GENEROUS GIVE GIFT FREEDOM SAFE VULNERABLE JOY+950102
   %TRUST RISK CONFLICT RESOLUTION PEACE ADDICT SIN 950102

     The  manner  in  which  our  personal  and  corporate
relationships develop depends greatly upon the manners  in
which we approach each other in our personal and corporate
relationships.

     If we approach each other insecurely in manners which
are   dominated  by  compulsive  preoccupations  with  the
defense of our own self and our own self-interests;  i.e.,
in an insecure  defensive  manner---then our relationships
develop as defensive,   antagonistic,  and violent  dramas
which confirm  the  assumptions  inherent  in the  initial
approaches.

     If  we approach each other securely in manners  which
are  infused  with generous giving of secure gifts of  the
freedom  to be safely vulnerable in being true to self and
other---then our relationships develop as gracious  dramas
which   make   clear   the   integrative   meanings    and
satisfactions of   love,     charity,      reconciliation,
forgiveness, and mutual personal understanding.

     Insecure,   defensive and selfish  approaches  invite
the development   of  more  insecurity,      defensiveness
and offensive efforts.

     Secure and generous approaches invite the development
of more security, generosity and gracious efforts.

     Within    the   context  of  defensive  and   selfish
approaches   distrust   and  ignorance  grow   with   each
misunderstanding and occasion of disintegrative ignorance.

     Within    the   context   of  secure   and   generous
approaches  trust   and  mutual  understanding grow   with
each    mutual   understanding  and   occasion   of   true
integrative intimacy.

     Within   the   contexts  of   defensive  and  selfish
approaches  You-Messages  dominate  and   discourage   the
offering of I-Messages  of  personal affirmations of being
true  to   self  and  other   about  personal  experiences
which  are  gladly owned and reported.

     Within  the contexts of secure  generous   approaches
many  honest  I-Messages are often offered  and  encourage
others  to respond with their own gladly owned  honest  I-
Messages.

     Honest  I-Messages encourage responses which are both
affirmations   of previous I-Messages,  and clarifications
of  previous  I-Messages which report  different  people's
different experiences.

     Ignorance  and  misunderstanding are reduced  through
the   offering of responsible I-Messages which  charitably
clarify   the  differences  between  the  experiences   of
different people.

     Ignorance  and misunderstanding are increased through
an   emphasis   upon alienative You-Messages   which   are
focused    upon   coercive:     expectations,     demands,
requirements,   laws,  rules,  regulations,  judgments and
condemnations.

     Conflicts are truly resolved with mutual satisfaction
for former participants when the emphasis is upon gracious
I-Messages gently offered and gladly welcomed.

     Conflicts are heightened with mutual dis-satisfaction
for the continuing participants  when the emphasis is upon
alienative  You-Messages  angrily offered and  resentfully
received.

     These  considerations are relevant at all  levels  of
intimacy  and become the more significant as the levels of
intimacy,  trust,  risk and vulnerability increase.   They
are  particularly   relevant   within   intimate  personal
relationships which entail sexual desires and responses.

     These  considerations  are  not  honestly   clarified
through   any  compulsive   emphasis   upon   objectivity,
fragmentive   analysis,    measurements,     computations,
predictions and/or controls.

     These   considerations  may  be  clarified   honestly
through meditation,  reflection  and participation  in the
personal sharing of reflexive experiences.

     Both  our  personal  and  communal  integrity  depend
greatly  upon   manner in which we initially approach each
other in our personal and corporate relationships.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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