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   %CHANGE RELATION PERSON BODY CONTEXT ENVIRONMENT+941208
  %CONTROL CAUSE ELEMENT CONFORM IDEAL IMAGE VISION 941208

     We   are   prone  to  want   to   preserve   personal
relationships  which  we find to our liking,  to  "freeze"
them   in  time.    We  may  want  to  return  a   changed
relationship to an earlier moment in time to which we look
back with nostalgia.   We may envision a past relationship
with  an   ideal  partner  as taking a different  turn and
achieving some ideal state or  stage,  and seek to work to
achieve that state or stage.

     We  often find it difficult to deal with our changing
personal relationships,  wondering why they change when we
wish they would not change; wondering why they do not move
toward  the  dream-ideal toward which we wish  they  would
hasten.

     Personal relationships are reflexive realities;   not
objective  realities.    Personal relationships cannot  be
planned, managed or controlled as can some patterns in the
behaviors  of  impersonal objects which have neither  mind
or will of  their  own.    It is  the  essence of personal
relationships  to  be changing,  growing,   evolving,   or
disintegrating.   Personal relationships are not permanent
realities;   even if we try very hard to pretend that they
are.

     Personal  relationships  change  because  we  develop
individually  through  various  physiological  stages   of
maturation.   Personal relationships change because of the
events   which occur in our  lives---relationships  depend
upon  our histories as well as upon our visions,   dreams,
desires  and intentions.   Personal  relationships  change
because  of changes  in our physical,  personal,   social,
religious,  educational,  economic,  business and communal
environments. It is  impossible  to  prevent  change  in a
changing  environment.    It is disintegrative to  pretend
that we can prevent change,  or have avoided change,  in a
changing environment.

     We  need  to seek to understand what  contributes  to
healthy   integrative   developments   in   our   personal
relationships,   and  what else contributes  to  unhealthy
disintegrative developments in our personal relationships.
We  need  to recognize name,  describe and talk about what
promotes  sudden catastrophic changes---which  are  often,
but  not always,   destructive;  and what promotes gradual
changes which may  be  either constructive or destructive,
conscious or unconscious, intentional or unintentional.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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