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  %ABSENCE ASSURE ACCEPT PERSONAL COMMUNAL DIALOGUE+940501
                 %REFUGE SANCTUARY DEFENSE SECURITY 940501

    In   the  absence  of  both  personal   and   communal
assurances  that  we are unconditionally secure  in  being
accepted   into  open  and  honest  dialogue  within   our
community---we are prone   to  seek  to  achieve  our  own
security through defensive technologies  by  which we seek
to achieve assurances that we  are invulnerable in our own
certainty, absence of doubts,  lack of ambiguity, arrogant
self confidence, and degree of dominance over others.

    In  the  absence of healthy assurances  given  through
gifts of security  known by all members of our communities
as the freedom  to  be  safely   vulnerable   in  intimate
relationships---we are  prone  to  seek  our  own perverse
security   in  invulnerability  which we  imagine  we  can
achieve  through   manipulations   of   truths,    people,
relationships, scriptures, and religious organizations.

    In  the absence of healthy demonstrations of how  safe
it is  to  be  vulnerable  in  open  and  honest  intimate
relationships---we  are  prone to be defensive and  so  to
create  a defensive climate  in which  all those around us
are   likely   to  be  defensive  in   reaction   to   our
defensiveness.

    Assurances  of  security  known  as the  gift  of  the
freedom to be safely vulnerable are not guarantees; and so
may leave insecure people unsure,  full of doubt,  fearing
ambiguity,  and defensive.

    Insecure people want to eliminate doubts and ambiguity
by  clinging  to  certainty,   dichotomous  clarity,   and
questions  which  can be answered clearly,   simply,   and
assuredly with either a "yes"  or a "no".   Other kinds of
questions---which  cannot be answered with either a  "yes"
or  a "no"  response---heighten their sense  of their  own
insecurity,   doubts,   ambiguities  and needs  for  being
defensive.    For them complex questions are  taboo,   and
those people who ask complex questions are threatened with
a doubtful status within their insecure community.

    For insecure people a doubtful status of ambiguity  is
worse  than  the clear status entailing  certain  threats;
thus they see the  manipulation  of doubts,  ambiguity and
uncertainty as one of their most powerful tools.  They see
assurances of  personal acceptance into an open and honest
community of charitable dialogue---as a terrifying  threat
to their powers of manipulation.   Openness,  honesty  and
clear  articulations of personal experiences undermine the
perverse  powers  of  participants in collusive  games  of
mutual self  deception.    That  is  why  they  play their
disintegrative games of mutual self deception---tragically
unaware   of   how   they   are   generating   their   own
disintegration and the disintegration of those nearest and
dearest to them.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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