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   %DETACH CONFLICT ADDICT CODEPEND DISHONESTY EVIL 940430

    Often  religious leaders have preached detachment from
conflict and evil---and thereby have promoted conflict and
alienative relationships.   It is tragic when the need for
detachment   is   misunderstood   and/or   perverted---for
misunderstandings of true detachment often lead to  tragic
consequences.

    People  who are in healthy recovery from addictive and
codependent  patterns of behavior are learning the healthy
meaning of detachment.  Through detachment we cease to try
to  control what we cannot control---and so  stop  playing
collusive  games  of  mutual self deception  by  which  we
appear  to ourselves and to each other to  be  controlling
what  we cannot control.   Detachment has much to do  with
honesty, and with detaching from dishonest games of mutual
self deception.

    Detachment  is ceasing to play God---no longer  trying
to do for God, what we wish God would give us the power to
do on his behalf.

    Detachment  is  learning to relax---not  only  on  the
Sabbath---and being serene in healthy ways so that we  are
not  manipulated by addicts into supporting their patterns
of  behavior with our financial resources and/or reactions
which are in their style of reactions.

    Detachment is not getting into the gutter of dishonest
games of mutual self deception---to fight dishonestly with
people   of   the   gutter  in  their  style   of   mutual
manipulations.

    Detachment is  leaving  to  God the  jobs  of  passing
judgment, condemning and punishing those whom we regard as
evil doers.  To recover we must stop playing God.

    We  cannot,  however, detach from  conflict  and  live
healthy lives.   There  are inevitable conflicts within us
and within our communities---because  there are inevitable
conflicts between and  among our highest ideals,   values,
goals, aspirations, hopes and expectations.   If we do not
deal  openly  and honestly with such conflicts,  we cannot
resolve those conflicts in informed and honest ways.    If
we  do  not  resolve our conflicts in healthy  ways,   our
conflicts   turn  first  into  simple  games   of   mutual
manipulation, then  into  collusive   games  of  dishonest
mutual manipulation,  then into collusive games  of mutual
self deception, and finally into overt violence.

    To  reduce conflicts and violence we must work  openly
and  honestly to resolve  the  conflicts among our highest
ideals,    values,    goals,   aspirations,    hopes   and
expectations.    This  means  detaching from our collusive
games  of  mutual  self  deception---including  the   self
deception  that  we can transcend conflict  by  pretending
that  conflict  does  not  exist  within us or within  our
closest relationships and fellowships.

    If we regard involvement in conflict-resolution to  be
evil---then our conflicts will fester in the hidden places
of  our  private  and  communal  lives---and  explode   in
unexpected  ways which are more violent and disintegrative
than  we can anticipate.   When that which has been hidden
so explodes, we will not be able to understand the  tragic
consequences  of  our  efforts  to appear to  be  free  of
conflict.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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