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    %FALL LOVE APPEAR TRUE SPIRITUAL CONGRUENCE FIT+940417
 %DECEPTION DISHONEST MANIPULATION ACHIEVEMENT FAIL+940417
    %CONFORM IDEAL RULE REGULATION PROHIBITION SELF 940417

    People  who are seeking to fall in love with the right
other person  (who will meet their needs and/or fix  them)
are often seeking to conform themselves and others to some
pattern of ideal forms, rules,  regulations, prohibitions,
etc.   The  result  is usually mutual coercion,  violence,
anger, resentment,  revenge,  etc.  Their focus upon their
unilaterally  chosen  goals and purposes leads  them  into
personal and communal disintegration.

    In contrast,  true  lovers are seeking to  treat  each
other person as an expression of the Ground of Being Truly
in Love---who guides all who  seek  to facilitate personal
and  communal integrity  in the ways of True Love in which
there is no deception.     Their focus upon true spiritual
unity in the Ground of Being Truly in Love leads them into
being  true  to themselves  and others  in  personal   and
communal  integrity---without coercion,  violence,  anger,
resentment, revenge, etc.

    People   who   on   their   own   choose   objectively
demonstrable goals,  destinations,  and purposes---defined
within  the spirit of the objective  paradigm---find  each
other  to  be objects which stand in their way and  do not
fit neatly into their systematic plans.   They do not  fit
coherently   into  each  other's  lives,   are  viewed  as
obstructions to each other,  and so are  the occasions for
coercion,   violence,  anger,  resentment,  revenge,  etc.
Such people are for each other the occasion for the break-
down  of  the  pretense  that  they  are  being  objective
(without  bias)---because they object (complain)  to  each
other  standing  as  objects (blockages)  in  the  way  of
achieving  their conflicting objectives (goals).   How can
we think clearly when one word,   "object",   has so  many
contrasting meanings?

    In  contrast,   other people who are in truly  in  the
spirit  of  the  Ground of Being Truly in  Love---approach
each  other  as parts of an organic whole which  has  been
conceived  by Love to fit together. They seek to find ways
to fit together  in  harmony as they work cooperatively to
fulfill   their  communal  potentials  for  personal   and
communal  integrity.    Such  integrative  people  do  not
pretend that they are being objective.  They do not object
to  each other as objects who are in the way of  achieving
conflicting  objectives;  but rather they discover in  and
with each other many potentials for  personal and communal
integrity.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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