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   %ENGINEER CONTROL MANAGE ADMINISTER PATH PROCESS+940411
   %GOAL PURPOSE DESTINATION ACHIEVEMENT WAY DESIGN+940411
      %SPIRIT ATTITUDE ASSUMPTION BELIEF CONVICTION+940411
    %I-THOU PERSON RELATION INTIMATE SEXUAL CONNECT 940411

    Many  of  our  evil  relationships  originate  in  the
transferral of engineering assumptions and attitudes  from
the  realm  of  objective relationships  to  the  realm of
spiritual and personal relationships.   Engineers choose a
goal,  destination, purpose, design and/or path---and seek
to control progress towards the fulfillment of  the chosen
goal,  destination,  purpose, design and/or path.  Control
is essential to the  fulfillment of their choice. Accurate
prediction  of outcomes of behaviors is essential  to  the
fulfillment of  their  choice.    Control over outcomes is
essential   to   the   fulfillment   of   their    choice.
Responsibility for outcomes is seen as appropriate. Yet in
the realm of reflexive relationships it is not possible to
have the prerequisites to engineering success.

    Our challenge (to be integrated humans) is to find one
way  to  recognize  and  enjoy a healthy  balance  between
respecting   the   engineering   paradigm   in   objective
relationships,   and respecting a  spiritual  paradigm  in
reflexive relationships.

    In  reflexive  relationships all  attempts  to  be  in
control (as an engineer of  the  consequences of  personal
choices,    decisions  and  actions)  lead  to  alienative
relationships;  i.e., evil relationships.   Healthy people
resist being engineered.  Healthy people have no desire to
engineer,  manage,   or control other people.  Desires and
inclinations to engineer, manage,   and/or  control humans
and  their personal relationships---are symptoms of  human
diseases which occasion additional dis-ease.

    We will do well---and more often be well---if we shift
our  attention away from trying to define,   engineer  and
achieve  (through  manipulative understandings, prediction
and   control)   our  particular chosen  reflexive  goals,
statuses  and relationships.   Manipulative understandings
of  humans are the products of collusive games  of  mutual
self  deception;   they  are  dishonest,   unreliable  and
alienative.     Because  small  variations  in   beginning
conditions within reflexive relationships (which cannot be
objective) can make catastrophic differences in outcomes--
-we  cannot predict  with any reliability the outcomes  of
our decisions and actions---and so we cannot be in control
of the outcomes of our decisions and actions. It is futile
to  try  to hold ourselves or others responsible  for  the
outcomes of human decisions and actions.   The best we can
do is to  be responsive;  describing why  we  focused  our
assumptions,  attitudes,  attentions, interests, concerns,
fears and  energies as we have.

    Even  though  we  cannot control the outcomes  of  our
decisions and  actions,  we  can  play  a  major  role  in
determining what assumptions we operate in terms of,  with
what  attitudes we approach each  human  relationship  and
objective  challenge,  and what kinds of relationships  we
regard  as  most worthy of respect and support.    We  can
decide to  focus our assumptions,  attitudes,  attentions,
interests, concerns, fears and energies in ways which will
usually promote personal  and communal  integrity---rather
than  in  ways  which will usually  promote  personal  and
communal disintegration.    We can gain some understanding
of  the  dynamics  of integration,   in  contrast  to  the
dynamics of disintegration.   We can be sensitive to  what
promotes alienation, and what promotes reconciliation.  We
can  seek  to  work cooperatively toward global  conflict-
resolution  and reconciliation;   rather than unilaterally
towards provincial achievements, superiority,  perfection,
and control.

    Rather  than focusing others'  attention upon our  own
selected  goals  and intended achievements---we can  focus
our attention upon what we can assume,  what attitudes  we
can adopt,   and how we can approach others beings---so as
to   facilitate  the  development  of  both  personal  and
communal integrity  for  all  of us  or  our planet as one
coherent whole.   We  can increase our interest in quality
integrative  relationships,   rather  than  be  interested
almost   exclusively   in  objective   manipulations   and
achievements   without  regard  for  either  personal   or
communal integrity.

    For  further  suggestions along these lines  the  book
"Return to Love"  by Marianne Williams is recommended. Her
presentation   departs   creatively  from  many   of   the
traditional  presentations which have  often  lead  people
into  tragic  attempts  to be in control and  better  than
others.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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