This is http://www.essayz.com/a9404101.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %TRUE SEXUAL FULFILLMENT DESCRIPTION MANIPULATE+940410 %CAUSE EFFECT THREAT ALIEN PUNISH ADDICTIVE LOVE 940410 How can we reliably distinguish between natural cause- and-effect relationships which are free of human manipulations---on the one hand---and alienative punishments which are motivated and guided by addictive tendencies---on the other hand? How are we to transcend disintegrative repressions of healthy instincts and desires---without falling into the trap of disintegrative rebellion against wise words of caution regarding the risks of thoughtless total abandonment to instincts and desires? We often learn better through examples which are made clear to us by integrative role models---than through abstract lectures and preaching which admonish us to conform to some prescribed standard of proper behavior. It is futile and disintegrative for us to attempt to control anybody's thoughts, emotions, experiences, expressions, decisions or actions. At the same time we can helpfully describe our own thoughts, emotions, experiences, expressions, decisions and actions---and what we have learned through them by being honest with ourselves and others. Our open and honest descriptions based upon our own experiences are more likely to be helpful---than are any admonitions, preaching, and lectures based upon abstractions and scholarly research. True sexual fulfillment involves the freedom and the encouragement to seek, give, receive, accept, acknowledge and talk about sensual pleasures in the absence of pressures, tensions, harm, threats, unwelcomed manipulations and alienative maneuvers. In true sexual fulfillment the focus is not upon any kind of conformity---but upon encouraging, giving and enjoying each other's pleasure through gifts of the freedom to be safely vulnerable and free of defensive maneuvers. True sexual fulfillment is not an achievement of any kind---but rather a mysterious and gracious gift through which we become free to let go and know ourselves and another without any need to be defensive or conformal in any way. It is difficult to know, be true to and enjoy ourselves and another in the absence of appropriate communal gifts, encouragement and support. We can together helpfully give such gifts, encouragement and support to others, but not entirely by ourselves to ourselves. So long as we are not appreciative of and not dedicated to both personal and communal integrity---we are likely to be concerned about and fixated upon threats, punishments, manipulations, rebellions, resentment, retribution, control, violence, exclusivity and their like. We need to be reborn, renewed, liberated, resurrected, forgiven, pardoned and reconciled; but cannot so be until we acknowledge to ourselves and others that our favorite fixations and fixes are impotent and futile-- even if we believe that they are God's gift to us and eternally grounded in Holy Scripture according to our selective interpretation of it. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================