This is http://www.essayz.com/a9307262.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %UNDERMINE CONFLICT RESOLUTION INTEGRATION LOVE+930726 %PROMOTE VIOLENCE WAR PEACE TERROR ALIEN REJECTION+930726 %PERFECT ADDICT CODEPEND COLLUDE CONFUSION MEMORY 930726 Peacemakers need to understand the tragic patterns of assumptions, attitudes, ideals and values which lead many people on many occasions to willfully undermine honest efforts at win-win conflict resolution. Many people work to maintain, prolong, and aggravate conflict---even though they themselves would be better off with the fruits of honest efforts at win-win conflict resolution. Such conflict promoters believe that the ideals, values, purposes and principles which they worship and serve with ultimate concern will be better served by the promotion of conflict and violence than by win-win conflict resolution. Many people assume and believe that if a possible course of actions will lead to their enemies enjoying any benefits, then that course of actions must be detrimental to their own best interests. They are compulsively driven by the notion that for themselves to enjoy any benefits--- they must work to prevent their enemies from enjoying any benefits. They believe that the total amount of available benefits to be gained is severely limited, and so that any benefits which go to their enemies must be taken away from themselves. They are compulsively driven by a theory of scarce benefits. In their view anybody who does anything which brings benefits to the enemies must be a traitor, and must be treated accordingly. Thus all people working for win-win conflict resolution are treated as traitors and/or enemies. In the light of their beliefs they work to undermine win-win conflict resolution efforts which might bring benefits to themselves and to their enemies. Many people are compulsively preoccupied with issues of control; with a focus upon they themselves being in total control and avoiding the possibility that their enemies might have any influence. To be in total control themselves they feel that they must deprive their enemies of any influence. Thus when they observe the progress of peacemakers working for win-win conflict resolution, they are threatened by the possibility their their enemies might enjoy some influence over the course of events; and so they take action to undermine the win-win conflict resolution efforts which might bring benefits to themselves and to their enemies. Many people are participants in the collusive games of mutual self deception of addicts and their codependent supporters. Such games are dominated by clever patterns of dishonesty, deception, and misleading behaviors; and so engender all kinds of conflicts between people seeking to promote personal and communal integrity on the one hand, and other people seeking to prolong the games in efforts to make the dishonest games appear to be respectable and integrative. The dishonest players of the collusive games of mutual self deception cannot tolerate win-win conflict resolution efforts because such efforts all entail movement away from dishonesty and towards honesty. Such movement will expose the dishonesty of the game players and make clear that their efforts to win their dishonest games do not merit any respect. They believe that loss of respect for exposure of their dishonest efforts will inevitably mean personal rejection, excommunication, alienation, and loss of the possibility of being a participant in a coherent community. Thus they compulsively work to maintain the secrecy of their dishonest games of mutual self deception by undermining win-win conflict resolution efforts. One of the ways in which collusive addicts and codependents maintain their dishonest games of mutual self deception is by maintaining a state of confusion. It is easier to get people to respect dishonesty within the context of confusion, than within the context of clarity. If it is not clear what is true and what is false, then it is much easier to get people to respect that which is false; than if it is clear what is true and what is false. Thus some people work to undermine win-win conflict resolution efforts because such efforts quite regularly depend upon clarifying the nature of the conflicts among ideals, values and principles; and so clarifying the nature of the conflicts among the personal incarnations of ideals, values and principles. Such clarity is regarded as a threat to the respectability of traditionally respected collusive games of mutual self deception. Thus people often work to undermine clarity and promote confusion; even when the results are tragically disintegrative to themselves. Clear and honest memories are important in dealing wisely with dilemmas and technical problems. Peacemakers thus work to promote clear and honest memories of the consequences of past foolish attitudes, assumptions, decisions and actions. Such clear and honest memories are, however, bound to undermine respect for the collusive games of mutual self deception which are played by addicts and their codependent supporters. Thus addicts and their codependent supporters are bound to work to undermine the possibility of anybody having clear and honest memories of past experiences. They will thus work to undermine the work of peacemakers seeking to promote win-win conflict resolution. When dealing with significant conflicts among ideals, values and principles it is rarely possible to arrive at a "perfect" resolution of the conflicts which will perfectly satisfy all idealistic participants in the conflicts. Many idealists are compulsively preoccupied with perfection, and will not respect or accept anything which is not perfect. They reject anything which is not perfect for them as being unacceptable, and compulsively seek immediate access to perfection rather than accept gradual improvement. Such idealistic perfectionists will often regard anything which is not perfect now as evil; and will work to undermine gradual improvements which they see as standing in the way of immediate access to perfection. Thus such people often work to undermine the efforts of peacemakers who honestly work to promote improvements gradually through imperfect win-win resolutions of conflicts. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================