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        %MUTUAL SIMULTANEOUS VULNERABILITY SECURITY+930703
                         %CONTROL AVERSION VIOLENCE 930703

     True  security and fulfillment entail mutuality  with
respect  to:   time,  place,  context,  costs,   benefits,
sacrifices,   power,  vulnerability,  honesty,   intimacy,
desires, responsiveness, respect, deference, etc.

     True security and fulfillment are often undermined by
our efforts to be in control,  gain unbalanced  advantage,
be  first,  gain first advantages,  pay our  costs  later,
avoid vulnerability,  avoid openness and honesty,  conceal
our weaknesses, conceal our mistakes, etc.

     We cannot enjoy true security and fulfillment so long
as  we refuse to be honest with self and others about  the
multitude  of ways in which we undermine our true security
and  fulfillment.   We often do so in our dishonest public
and intimate relationships with each other as  adversaries
and  as intimate associates,  lovers,  spouses,   parents,
children and members of extended families.

     If  we  seek  unilaterally to  achieve  security  and
fulfillment without respect for each other in the light of
the  above  facts of life,  we are bound to find that  the
closer we seem to get to our goal,  the more difficult  it
becomes  to get any closer to it and/or to  enjoy  getting
closer to our goal.  The meaning and satisfaction which we
have  associated  with our goal in our  imaginations  will
wither  away into thin air if we achieve our goal  without
respect  for each other in the light of the above facts of
life.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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