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 %STUMBLE FALL WALK ERROR MISTAKE FAIL SIN FIX LOVE+930611
 %SEX INTIMACY LEARN PUNISH EXCOMMUNICATE EMBARRASS 930611

     Stumbling  and falling down are virtually  inevitable
experiences  in the process of a child learning  to  walk.
What is the effect on that process of learning if  parents
and  others make a big and negatively colored  fuss  about
stumbling  and falling?   "Fool,  you are stupid and  will
never  learn to walk  properly if you aren't more careful!
Be more careful!   Don't you dare fall down again,  do you
hear!"   Such rejection strikes paralyzing terror into the
child  and  undermines  the  possibility  of  any  healthy
learning.

     When stumbling, falling, failing, mistakes and errors
become a negative focus of attention,  and little positive
attention is given to successes and learning; the child is
bound to become fixated upon stumbling,  falling, failing,
mistakes  and errors;  and not grow through the particular
learning stage of life.   The child will  get stuck making
the same mistakes over and over.  The child will get stuck
on "fixes"  rather than be creative in growing through the
normal learning stages of life.

     The  foolishness  of  negatively  colored   attention
focused  upon  stumbling and falling is pretty obvious  in
the  instance  of  literally learning  to  walk.    It  is
anything but obvious to most people  in  the  instance  of
children learning to develop a healthy sexual life.    All
the   rules,  regulations,  moral codes,   embarrassments,
prohibitions, injunctions and  the like which surround the
process  of learning   about  sexual  relationships  focus
negatively colored attention  upon the immature aspects of
growing into healthy sexual relationships in adult life.

     Many  people  get  stuck at  forbidden  inter-mediate
stages  of growing up because of  the  negative  attention
which  is focused upon  those inter-mediate stages.    The
negative  attention  engenders  the  very  behavior  which
negative the attention ostensibly is  designed to prevent!
The  negative attention is itself a manifestation of being
stuck  at  an inter-mediate   stage  in  growing  up  into
integrative personal and communal relationships; i.e., the
immature  stage where the preoccupation is upon  addictive
controls, rules,  regulations,  moral codes,  injunctions;
and   embarrassment   when  they  fail   to   work.     In
embarrassment  over  such  failures  participants  develop
collusive  games  of mutual self deception to  hide  their
failures;   because  they have  been  taught  by  negative
attention to hide their stumbling,  falling down and other
errors, mistakes and failures.

     The   giving-of-negative-attention-paradigm   is    a
paradigm which  engenders  endless  opportunities  to give
negative attention,  and offers  endless  opportunities to
contend that humans are inherently defective,  sinful  and
incapable  of being good at what they try to  do.    Those
people  who set themselves up as superior and qualified to
pass  negative judgments upon those who fail,  are  people
who  often engender the kinds  failures  upon  which  they
pass self-righteous judgments.   Such failures provide the
judges  with  food  to  feed  their  self-righteous  self-
perceptions;   and the  viscous  cycle  of  disintegration
continues under their blind leadership.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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