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%HONEST HEALTH MAINTAIN SICK ILLNESS ADDICTION LOVE 930327

     Often  we cannot grow and maintain our health because
we get stuck at  one  particular stage of  life,  with one
isolated friend/lover or  with one group of friends and/or
relationships.   If  our ground of being is  dependent  in
unbalanced   ways  upon  one  particular  friend,   lover,
relationships, group, or process---then we cannot grow and
maintain our health in balanced growing relationships.

     To grow and maintain our health we must be willing to
let-go of unbalanced patterns of living,  to  develop  new
balanced patterns of living,  friendships,  relationships,
ideals, and values.

     Letting-go is not just an intellectual decision based
upon  reason,   logic  and facts.   Letting-go is  also an
emotional growth process in which the loss of what is let-
go is mourned honestly.   Much that has been meaningful to
us, both constructive and destructive in nature, is let-go
in  the  process  of letting-go.   Much of our traditional
meaning and security is let-go with it.  It cannot be let-
go  honestly without mourning the loss.   To deny the loss
by refusing to mourn  the  loss is to remain  stuck at one
particular stage of life.  This is true even when the loss
is the loss of meaningful frustrations, anger, resentment,
pain, conflict, and violence.

     If  our  only  meaning  in  life  has  been  in  such
realities  apart from more positive realities,  it can  be
very painful and emotionally wrenching  to  let-go  of the
negative  realities in order to be open to  more  positive
realities. It  is  also painful and emotional wrenching to
let-go of positive  experiences  in  life which  have been
full   of   affection,   affirmations,   respect,   power,
creativity, growth,  integrity and possibilities.   Yet we
cannot  hang  on to  everything which has been bad  and/or
good for us; and still grow.   We are finite creatures and
cannot fulfill all possibilities which are open to us.  To
fulfill  some  new possibilities we must let-go of some of
our old realities; both good and bad.

     There  is emotional work to be done in  letting-go of
what  have been important aspects of our lives;   be  they
good  or  bad.   The emotional work is  not  intellectual,
rational, logical, or scholarly.  If the work is devoid of
emotion it is not emotional work,  it is more likely to be
part  of  a denial process which will block growth.   This
blockage  is  likely  to  occur  if  we  are  compulsively
dedicated    to   objectivity,     rationality,     logic,
measurements, computations and  linear thinking.   To grow
in healthy ways and  create healthy communities we must be
willing to let go of such unbalanced compulsions.  We must
let go of much in order to grow  into  new creative beings
in new relationships and processes.  See previous essays.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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