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%INTIMATE RELATION HONEST TRUST RISK HUMBLE CONTROL 930327

     A  relationship  between  two people cannot  be truly
intimate,  meaningful,   significant and enduring  in  the
absence    of    honesty,     openness,    responsiveness,
responsibility, humility, reliability, and growth.

     Relationships  which  are  manipulative  in  violent,
contractual,   and/or mutually advantageous ways are bound
to lack honesty, openness, responsiveness, responsibility,
reliability and/or growth---and fail to be truly intimate,
meaningful, significant and/or enduring.

     Addicts,   codependents  and  other  participants  in
collusive games of mutual self deception deny the truth of
the above  observations.    They stake their lives on  the
proposition  that  they  can  beat  the  odds  and achieve
relationships which are intimate, meaningful,  significant
and  enduring while they continue to play  their collusive
games of mutual self deception.   They give their lives to
their   games,   and  disintegrate   both  personally  and
communally  as   they sacrifice    honesty,      openness,
responsiveness, responsibility,  humility, reliability and
growth to the perpetuation of the collusive games.    They
believe that they can achieve what to other people appears
to be impossible; and is impossible.

     As we approach intimate relationships with all  their
risks  and  possibilities we need to  consider  whether we
and/or the  other(s)    are  honest,   open,   responsive,
responsible,  reliable,  and growing.   If not, we will do
well not to expect true intimacy and satisfaction.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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