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  %ACHIEVE SUCCESS CONFORM PRIDE SELF ESTEEM ACCEPT+930319
%WHOLE PERSON MEANS TECHNOCRAT RELATE PARADIGM I-IT 930319

     It is abusive to treat or relate to another person in
terms of some part of the whole person; rather than as two
whole  persons entering into a relationship  characterized
by   balance,   mutuality,   justice,    dialogue,     and
understanding.

     Specialists  are   prone   to   enter   into  abusive
relationships because they are prone to be exclusive.

     Powerful  people  are  prone  to  enter  into abusive
relationships because they are prone to create  unbalanced
relationships  without  mutuality,  justice,   dialogue or
understanding.

     Addictive people  are  prone to  enter  into  abusive
relationships  because they are seeking to save themselves
through  manipulative fixes,  preoccupation with  control,
and focusing upon exclusive ideals and values.

     Abusive   relationships   tend  towards   being  I-It
relationships   rather    than   towards   being    I-Thou
relationships.   In abusive relationships the other person
is treated  as an it to be used,  a  means to an  end,   a
disposable  entity.    In I-Thou relationships two  people
meet  each other as whole beings to be intimately  knowing
in  open and  honest dialogue which is free of  deception,
secrecy, and dishonesty.

     Not  all  abusive  relationships  are  alike.    Some
abusive   relationships  are  active  and  involve   overt
violence.  Other abusive  relationships  are  passive  and
involve neglect.   Abusive relationships differ as regards
what   forms  of  manipulation,    dishonesty,    secrecy,
repression, suppression,  neglect, exclusivity, imbalance,
injustice,  addiction,  and collusions play central  roles
within them.

     We  cannot  transcend  abusive  relationships through
sophisticated  analysis  and  technical  procedures;   for
analysis  and technical procedures flow from  the paradigm
which  contributes  substantially  to  the  generation  of
abusive relationships.  To transcend abusive relationships
we need to seek ways  to transcend the paradigm from which
they flow;   a   paradigm which has no place of honor  for
whole persons of integrity  living  within  communities of
integrity.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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