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   %COMFORTABLE DEGREE ACCEPT AFFIRM CONVERSE TRUTH 930207

     We accept different truths with different degrees  of
comfort.   Many  truths are so embarrassing to us that  we
cannot  accept  them,   cannot think about  them,   cannot
acknowledge them,  cannot talk about them;  so do not even
know of them.

     In  extreme cases some truths are so embarrassing  to
us that we cannot tolerate any statements or actions which
even hint at the possibility of the  truths being accurate
descriptions  of reality.  People who participate in  such
statements    and/or   actions   are   quickly   rejected,
excommunicated   or  otherwise  eliminated   from   polite
society.  The truths are too embarrassing to be  tolerated
in any way whatsoever. Such truths are the repressed focus
of  the  concerns  of  many  collusions,   addictions  and
codependencies.

     In  less  extreme  cases we may be able  to  tolerate
hints at the veracity of uncomfortable truths by virtue of
putting up the defense line within ourselves;  rather than
at  the point of tolerance for honest behavior on the part
of  other  people.  In such cases we are  unlikely  to  be
tolerant  of  people who are explicitly honest  about  the
truths;  are brutally honest and impolite.  We then have a
hard time  telling  the  differences  which  exist between
charitable  honesty,  and violence;  and we are likely  to
treat charitable honesty  as if it were violence.  Honesty
then is sacrificed in the name of kindness.

     In  even  less extreme cases  the  lines  of  defense
against  full  honesty are drawn with regards to how  many
people may be present when truths are openly acknowledged.
Some  truths  may  be acknowledged in  private  gatherings
within the context of reasonably close friends; but not in
public   gatherings   where   spies   might   report   the
improprieties  of  honest  people who  violate  the  local
cultural taboos and collusions. The forms of rejection and
punishment which are used to inhibit honesty are just less
extreme.   Rejection  and punishment may  not  be  formal,
systematized or legislated; but they can be just  as  real
--- in hidden ways.

     There are occasions where the defense against honesty
is drawn at the level of  not responding to statements and
behaviors  which  point to the embarrassing  truths.   The
silent treatment is quite effective  where  more   violent
treatments are  not  tolerated.  The conspiracy of silence
can be effectively used to  repress truths  which  are too
embarrassing to be dealt with in polite  and proper social
settings.  Our  emotional embarrassment in response to any
statement or  behavior which  indirectly  points to such a
truth  is  enough  to discourage  the  faint of heart from
pointing   to   such   truths  either   intentionally   or
unintentionally.

     To  recover  from all our defensive patterns  in  the
face  of truths which embarrass us, we need  to  recognize
that  the  dishonest patterns exist, and  acknowledge  the
wide  range  of ways in which honesty is violated  in  the
name of decency,  politeness, kindness,  propriety and not
being  violent.  Such deceit lacks integrity and leads  to
both personal and communal disintegration.

     To  survive to be effective witnesses to the truth---
people who see,  hear,  smell,  taste,  touch and feel the
truth need to be dedicated to the truth in charitable ways
which are clearly:  non-violent,  non-manipulative,   non-
coercive,  and non-addictive;   and which clearly promote:
justice,   mercy,   humility,  fairness,  balance,   equal
opportunity, and mutual respect. People who are so clearly
dedicated in their  whole  being  become respected in ways
which  enable  them  to  point to embarrassing truths with
power,   and to help  other people deal with  embarrassing
truths in liberating ways.  Pointing to the truth need not
be  intentionally offensive,  and it is more  likely to be
liberating  if  it is not  intentionally  offensive;   for
intentionally   offensive   behaviors   elicit   defensive
responses, and so engender insecurity and violence.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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