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    %RESPECT SUPPORT ENCOURAGE COLLUDE ADDICT TABOO+930206
  %COMPLAIN BLAME PETITION DECISION ACTION LEAD JOY 930206

     Often  people  who  feel  themselves  to  be  in   an
unsatisfactory   situation   do  little  but  complain  to
impotent  other  people  who  are in  a  like  or  similar
situation;  and maybe they blame impotent others for their
situation.   Such  complaining and/or blaming rarely  does
much to change the situation.

     The situation is not changed much if the  complainers
and/or  blamers have  the  legal power to select people to
blame and punish for the unsatisfactory situation.  Having
the power to select and punish scape goat victims does not
empower one to change a situation---if one is in heart and
mind a complainer/blamer.

     Complainers  and  blamers  often  play  the  role  of
heightening the levels of guilt and shame in a  community.
The  ways  in which they heighten the levels of guilt  and
shame  in  a community do not contribute to  personal  and
communal integrity.  On the contrary,  they contribute  to
personal  and  communal disintegration.  Guilt  and  shame
which  are  coercively  laid on from the outside  are  not
helpful.

     Complainers  and  blamers are often  people  who  are
frustrated by their not being in control of what cannot be
controlled.   They believe it should be possible to be  in
some  form of control,  they are not in control in the way
they  believe  that they should be in control;   and  they
complain  and/or  blame  others  for  their unsatisfactory
situation. The dilemma such people experience is rooted in
their  beliefs,  and their dilemma will not  change  until
they  change  their  belief pattern;  their  paradigm  for
relating to their environment.

     Healthy  people are not complainers  and/or  blamers.
Healthy  people  do  not believe that they  should  be  in
control  of what cannot be  controlled.   They respond  to
their environment openly, honestly, realistically and with
due respect for their  own and other people's limitations.
They  do  not  believe  that they  should  do  what  it is
impossible for them to do; nor do they desire to do, have,
or be what  it is impossible to do,  have  or be. They are
not  focused  upon unrealistic  achievements, possessions,
competitive   victories,   manipulations,  controls,   and
appearances.  They do not blame,  shame, guilt,  or punish
others.

     Healthy  people do ask for help and  assistance  when
they do need  help  and  assistance.   Healthy  people  do
petition  people in positions of power and  authority  for
redress   of  grievances  when  such  people  have  proper
authority and power to  respond to such petitions. Healthy
people  do  suggest  what  actions others  might  take  to
promote personal and communal integrity. Healthy people do
seek to develop the means by which to solve problems which
they  share with others.  Healthy people do seek  to  deal
with dilemmas in integrative ways. Healthy people do point
out  when  others are  behaving  in  ways  which  lead  to
personal and communal disintegration.

     It  is  important to recognize the difference between
the  patterns of behaviors of healthy people; in  contrast
to the patterns of other  people  who  do not  get  beyond
complaining, blaming, guilting, shaming and punishing.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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