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     %CONFIDENT DOUBT LEAD GUIDE ADVICE ASK PRETEND 920929

     People  who are overly confident and pretend to  have
great self esteem are  often  willing to assume leadership
roles without  doubt  and  with coercion, manipulation and
violence.   They in  their great show  of  confidence  can
rarely ask for advice,  thinking/showing that they have no
need for it.

     People  who lack confidence and self esteem are often
unwilling to  assume leadership roles due  to their doubts
and unwillingness to use coercion, manipulative techniques
and violence. In their lack of confidence they do not want
to show their need for advice, and so rarely ask for it.

     It  is  not  easy  to live  on  the  boarder  between
pretending  to have great self confidence with great shows
of  self esteem;  and lacking confidence and self  esteem.
Going  to  either  extreme undermines the  possibility  of
playing great leadership roles,  but the line between  the
two extremes seems invisibly thin.

     Honest  doubts about our  assumptions,   convictions,
perceptions, attitudes, and beliefs make it hard for us to
lead potential followers with the  kinds of enthusiasm and
confidence which elicit respect among true followers.

     Dishonest  shows of self confidence and a willingness
to manipulate people  through  coercion,  dishonesty,  and
violence  make it hard for potential followers to  respect
us as agents of integration and givers of security.

     False confidence which is not  one  with personal and
communal integrity is a dangerous kind of confidence;  for
it will likely lead to dishonesty, coercion and violence.

     Honest  doubts  sometimes rob  potential  leaders  of
their confidence and so rob  us  of integrative leadership
who  might  help  us work to  nurture  both  personal  and
communal integrity.

     True   leaders  nurture   integrative   expectations,
descriptions,     perceptions,     guidelines,     advice,
suggestions, alternatives, possibilities, and hopes.

     True  leaders  do not try to control the  outcome  of
human  relationships and efforts;  for they are not trying
to be in control of anything,  anybody,  any relationship,
any  perceptions  or any process.  They have no  need  for
great shows of confidence that some particular outcome  is
the right outcome for all people;  and so are free to show
doubts about the wisdom of working to fulfill alternatives
and possibilities,  even while engaged enthusiastically in
such  work.   They  seek  to  make  the  most  integrative
difference that they can by helping others to do the same.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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