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 %AVOID COERCIVE VIOLENT LEAD GUIDE PRESCRIBE FORCE+920825
    %PERMISSIVE DISCIPLINE CONTROL ADDICT AUTHORITY 920825

     Disagreements over how permissive parents,  teachers,
professors,  and others in authority should be are  rooted
in  misleading  concepts  regarding  the  nature  of   the
personal relationships between those who ostensibly should
be  in  control,   and  those  who  ostensibly  should  be
obedient.

     If  some people should be in control of other  people
who should be obedient; then the questions which should be
asked  might  well be questions regarding  the  degree  of
control  which  should  be exercised,  and the  degree  of
obedience which should be shown. Formulating the questions
in this way,  however,  leads to confusion and to attempts
to be in control of what cannot be controlled; and leads t
various  forms of  addiction as people seek  to  fix  what
cannot be fixed  with  fixes---as people try to deal  with
various forms of rebellion, deception, and manipulations.

     Questions pertaining to permissiveness are rooted  in
assumptions  regarding personal relationships:  who should
be in control of whom, for what purpose,  in what way, and
according to what guidelines.  The questions are rooted in
assumptions  regarding  what is and what is not  possible.
The   questions   regarding   permissiveness   cannot   be
satisfactorily answered within the framework which usually
leads to the questions.  The questions need to be reframed
in ways which transcend the conflicts implicit  within the
questions.

     To  transcend  the questions which are usually  asked
regarding  permissiveness,   we  need  to   transcend  the
assumptions  which are usually made by addicts  and  their
supportive   codependents;    and  to  consider   personal
relationships which are much more healthy and integrative,
than  are those characterized by people who are trying  to
be in control of what cannot be controlled.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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