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 %FOOLISH SEX INTIMATE PERSON CONTEXT SECURITY RISK 920617

     It  is foolish to become intimately involved sexually
with  a person with whom you cannot confidently trust your
life.   In  intimate  sexual relationships we  are  highly
vulnerable  to  each  other.  If  we  seek  within  sexual
relationships to be  sufficiently on  the defensive (or on
the offensive)  to compensate for the  vulnerability which
is  inherent in intimate sexuality,  we thereby  undermine
the possibility of enjoying healthy sexual intimacy.

     It  is foolish to become intimately involved sexually
within  a  context  which is not secure in  the  sense  of
security being the freedom to be vulnerable.   Involvement
in  intimate sexuality makes us vulnerable to our context.
If we seek within sexual relationships to be  sufficiently
on the defensive (or on the offensive)  to compensate  for
the  threats  inherent in  our  environment,   we  thereby
undermine  the  probability  of  enjoying  healthy  sexual
intimacy.

     People  who  are seeking to  complete  themselves  by
connecting  to other persons in sexual relationships  tend
to be people who lack self confidence and self esteem, and
are prone to take excessive risks in  seeking other people
to connect with  in insecure sexual relationships. They do
not  find what they seek and do not achieve the completion
which they seek.  They often become the victims of abusive
others through the  risks which  are  inherent in intimate
sexuality.    They  often  become  trapped  in   unhealthy
relationships which  involve some form of addiction and/or
codependency.  They are not healthy themselves, and cannot
give   themselves  in  healthy  ways  to  healthy   sexual
intimacy.  They cannot be  true  to themselves  or to each
other; and so they cannot enjoy healthy sexuality.

     Beware  of  addictive  persons who  seek  some  other
person to control in sexual intimacy! Such people may make
themselves appear very  seductive and sexually attractive;
but that appearance is like the bait on a mouse trap. When
the bait is attended to, the trap is likely to spring with
unexpected and tragic  consequences. The bait is very mis-
leading.  It is best to get to  know another  person quite
well before taking the  risk of getting deeply involved in
sexual intimacy which makes you totally vulnerable!

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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