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%JACK FEAR OPEN HONEST INTIMATE LOVE SEX VULNERABLE 910929

     Out of fear Jack avoids open and honest relationships
which   might   lead  to intimacy and sexuality  which  he
could  not fully  control.   Jack feels he must be in full
control    at  all  times  to  be  respectable,    proper,
responsible, etc.

     In   the   past   when Jack has  failed  to   be   in
controlled  conformity  he  has been abused  actively  and
passively, made fun of,  ridiculed,  punished,   rejected,
excommunicated, shunned,  dis-fellowshipped, etc.  Jack is
trying  to  avoid so   being  treated.    Jack  is   being
careful   to  avoid situations  in  which he fears he  may
not  be  able  to  be fully  in  control of himself,   the
situation  and/or  the relationships within which he finds
himself.

     Jack   knows   that  openness  and  honesty   involve
vulnerability  Jack   is  on  the   defensive  because  of
past  active  and passive abuses which he has experienced.

     Jack    knows   that   openness  and   honesty    are
central   to  intimacy,    and  that in  open  and  honest
intimacy   sexual  feelings   are   likely  to  arise   in
uncontrolled ways;    and Jack  does  not know how to deal
with sexual  feelings  in open and honest ways. Because of
his insecurity Jack seeks to avoid the situations which he
fears;    ones in which  he would  not  know  how to  deal
with  openness,   honesty, intimacy  and  sexual  feelings
which  he finds  he  cannot control.    Jack  is  on   the
defensive,      and   often    in   desperation    becomes
offensive  to  defend  himself  against what   makes   him
feel insecure.  Jack  becomes  offensive because  he  does
not  know  how  to  be  open   and   honest   in  intimate
relationships     which   involve    vulnerability     and
possibilities of sexuality.

     Because of his past experiences of passive and active
abuse   Jack feels he must be on the defensive against any
person  who tries to really get close to him in  openness,
honesty,   authentic  intimacy  or  integrative sexuality.
Jack  is protecting  the collusive games of self deception
he   has  been   taught  to  play in his   addictive   and
codependent society.

     For  further  thoughts  see Subby's book on  "Healing
the  Family   Within"    and  Schaef's  book  on   "Escape
from Intimacy."
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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