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     %TRULY HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS SHARE SHAME GUILT 910825

     In  unhealthy manipulative relationships participants
use  shame  and  guilt as tools to coercively   manipulate
each  other;     seeking  to  control each   other.     In
unhealthy manipulative  communities such uses of shame and
guilt are respected  and  regarded  as  normal.    Members
of    such communities  are  usually  defensive and  often
resort  to violence.

     In    truly    healthy   integrative    relationships
participants  openly   and honestly share their shame  and
guilt  as  a   way  of  transcending  them.    In  healthy
integrative   communities such  open  and  honest  sharing
is  normal,   because  the communities provide the gift of
true  security  which  makes it safe to be  vulnerable  in
such  sharing.   Members of such communities  are   rarely
defensive and  rarely  resort  to violence.

     The   differences   between  people,    relationships
and   communities    are   rooted  in   their    reflexive
perceptions,  attitudes,    and  ways of approaching  each
other.     Such  differences  cannot  be   understood   or
modified    through  scientific  procedures  which   avoid
reflexive  considerations due  to  a   compulsive  concern
with   being  objective  and detached from the objects  of
consideration.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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