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    %TRUE LOVE PERSON COMMUNAL CONTEXT RELATIONSHIP 910824

     To  truly  love another person one needs to love in a
way  which   respects  their  personal  integrity   within
the  communal  context of their relationships  with  other
persons  who are important to them,  and to whom they  are
important.

     It  is  dishonest  to pretend that it is possible  to
love   another   person   without   due  regard  for   the
significant relationships  which create the context within
which  the person is who they are.

     People  are  who they are,   within  the  context  of
their relationships.  People are not isolated objects, and
cannot be  truly loved as isolated objects.  People can be
truly  loved  only  with honesty  about  their  relational
context.

     To show  honest  regard for  the  relationships which
create   a  person's   relational  context  does  not   of
necessity involve regarding the relationships as worthy of
respect;    for   the   relationships    may   not   merit
respect.     Ignoring   the relationships  is,    however,
often part of a  pattern  of dishonesty.  To try to relate
to a  person intimately while ignoring  the  relationships
which  are  central  to  the person's  being who they are,
is to ask the person to  be dishonest. Such is not the way
of True Love.

     People cannot grow in personal and communal integrity
when  they  are asked to be dishonest about their  present
fabric of personal and communal relationships.

     Relationships  are  not  defined  by  collections  of
objects   or  persons.      The   enumeration    of    the
participants    in   a  relationship   does  not   clearly
indicate the nature of  the relationship.  A  relationship
is   a  reality  which  transcends  the  natures  of   the
individual participants. A relationship has   to  do  with
the  pattern  of  communications   and interactions  among
the participants in the   relationship;   and  with  those
outside the relationship.

     The quality of a relationship depends critically upon
how  open  and honest the participants in the relationship
are  with  each other;   or how manipulative they are with
each other.

     The   quality  of  a relationship  depends  upon  the
range  of  aspects  of  their  lives about which they  are
open    and   honest;   or  regarding   which   they   are
manipulative.

     The   quality  of  a  relationship  depends  upon how
inclusive  the   participants   are  towards   those   not
intimately involved;    or how exclusive they are  towards
those on the outside.

     The quality of  a relationship depends upon much more
than the obvious immediate participants.

     Relationships between people exist within the context
of a  community.      Integrative   communities  encourage
integrative  relationships  among  people of integrity  by
working    to   promote  both  personal   and   relational
integrity.

     Communal integrity depends  upon relational integrity
among  people   who  enjoy  personal  integrity.    It  is
difficult  for  there  to be  relational  integrity  where
personal   integrity  is a threat to the status quo  of  a
community;    e.g.,    in  a community  dominated  by  the
collusive  games of mutual self deception of  addicts  and
their codependent supporters.  In such  a dis-unity (not a
com-unity)    the  honesty  which  is  characteristic   of
relational   integrity   and  people  of integrity,  is  a
threat to the status quo.

     To  truly  love  another person is to  work with  the
other  person  in  dealing honestly with  the   relational
context  within    which   they   live;     whether   that
context   be disintegrative,  or integrative; dishonest or
honest. It is dishonest to try to ignore the context.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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