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  %LOVE COURTSHIP JUDGEMENT VULNERABLE SECURITY SEX 910818

     In  successful courtships couples approach each other
and learn  to make reliable judgements about each   other,
to trust  and  be trustful,   to give and accept the  gift
of  security,  to be prudently vulnerable,  to become  new
people  in  the process of conceiving and being  conceived
by  a  new relationships,  and to give new life  to  their
community.

     Judgements are made  in  courts  and  in court-ships.
Evidence is gathered; and some prejudices are transcended.
Reliable judgements depend upon dealing honestly with  the
evidence which is available.   Reliable courtships involve
patiently  gathering  evidence  which  is  honestly   used
to   decide  whether the relationship  is  headed  towards
healthy    honesty   or   towards   unhealthy   addiction,
codependence and collusive games of mutual self deception.
A   rush  towards judgement is  not likely to be  healthy.
It takes time  to  honestly learn to know each other.

     Some    couples   become  new  persons   within   the
processes   of  conceiving   new relationships  and  being
conceived   by   new  ways  of relating honestly  to  each
other.

     Other couples become  imprisoned in  the processes of
trying  to    maintain   a  frozen  identity   within    a
mutually  manipulative  process  of   unilateral   control
over  each other.

     A  healthy  courtship   is  a   patient  process   in
which  participants   seek   to  avoid  the  hazards    of
imprisonment while    being   prudently    cautious  about
slipping     into  imprudent  trust,   vulnerability   and
gullibility.

     Premature   trust  of  someone  who has  not   proven
to    be  honest,    reliable,    generous,     accepting,
flexible,   and willing to change is dangerous trust.

     Refusal   to   trust   anyone   out   of   fear   and
compulsive paranoia leads to manipulative death.

     Healthy   courtship  is the process of  steering  the
ship  of live    through    the   narrow  channel  between
imprudent  premature   trust  and manipulative refusal  to
trust.   It requires   honest  informed  judgements  based
upon   just considerations  of each other in the light  of
true   love,  and  empowers participants to grow into  new
beings  within honest new relationships.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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