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  %GIFT OTHER PEOPLE AFFIRM SELF ESTEEM VALUE BEING 910503

     What we  most seek from other people is   significant
affirmations  of our selves as significant beings, so that
we  may  sustain our self esteem.    We  particularly seek
affirmations  of our selves by others whom we hold in high
esteem.     The  more highly we think of someone  the more
highly we are likely to value any affirmations of us which
they  may  give  to  us.    The more  fully  they give  of
themselves   to   us,  the  more  highly  we value   their
affirmations  of  us.    So also,    the more  freely  and
spontaneously   they  affirm  us  the more  we  value  the
affirmation.

     Sometimes we do not receive what we want and   desire
from  others,  and then yield to the temptation to try  to
get  on  our  own  what  we  want  through  some  form  of
manipulation;  covert or overt.    Manipulations of  other
people's minds, hearts, bodies and souls do not get for us
what we are tempted  to think   we  can  get  through such
manipulations;      for manipulations   do   not  lead  to
free,    spontaneous, significant affirmations of the sort
that  we  really   yearn for.     Manipulations  kill  the
possibilities which we  want to see fulfilled.

     We  cannot manipulate personal relationships,  as  we
can   manipulate   objects.      We  cannot   meaningfully
manipulate relationships,   even when we manipulate others
as  objects;   for     manipulations    of    others    as
objects   destroy relationships,   rather than  manipulate
relationships so as to  make  them  into  being  what   we
want   them   to be. Manipulated  relationships evaporate,
and  are replaced  by conflicts  in which there is  little
relating of people  to each  other as persons.     In many
conflicts  people  treat each other as objects,    not  as
persons  who might be  known and   understood;     through
open  and   honest  dialogue   with  mutual  respect   and
integrity.

     When  we  do  not give ourselves to open  and  honest
dialogue  with mutual respect and integrity we tempt  each
other  to  try  to  get  what  cannot  be  gotten  through
manipulations.   It is dangerous to place too much  value,
emphasis   and  importance  on  anything  which  inhibits,
undermines  or distracts us from open and honest  dialogue
with mutual personal respect and integrity.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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