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 %TRUE LOVERS ELICIT EXPRESSION FEAR FEELING DESIRE 910427

     True  lovers  elicit   from   each   other  open  and
honest   expressions   of   each  other's   true    fears,
feelings  and desires.

     True  lovers  offer each other a  secure  context  in
which  they  may be vulnerable in  expressing  their  true
fears, feelings and desires.

     True  lovers are  not demanding or  defensive in ways
which occasion the hiding of fears,  feelings and desires.
They  do   not seek to  manipulate,    control,    manage,
regulate,  change,    or  improve  each other according to
their    own   particular    conceptions   of    what   is
desirable,    proper, correct,  acceptable or right.  They
seek  to  know  each other honestly and seek to  be  known
honestly.

     True   lovers   do   not  confuse  mutual   dishonest
addictive   dependence    with   healthy  honest    inter-
dependence.   True lovers  seek the truth with each other;
they  do  not   hide the truth from  themselves  and  each
other.

     True  lovers  are   not   preoccupied  with  treating
their  dilemmas   as  if  their dilemmas  were   technical
problems  which   could  be solved with the  correct  fix.
They  do   not  try  to fix themselves or  each  other  to
satisfy  themselves or  each  other  as being  acceptable.
True  loves  accept themselves  and  each other as  worthy
of  open  and  honest dialogue,  as they are  without  any
fixing.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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