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%RELATIONSHIP INTIMATE ELEMENTS PEOPLE HUMAN HONEST 910224

     The intimate  relationships  which  develop   between
people  develop as they do because of how people  approach
each    other    and   reflexively    accept/reject    and
encourage/discourage  each  other's offerings of  possible
ways of relating.  The relationship becomes their creator,
as much as they are creators of the relationship.

     Personal relationships are not caused by the inherent
natures  of two impersonal particles which collide in  the
random  course  of events;  thus the course of a  personal
relationship cannot be  predicted  in terms of the natures
of   the   participants  before  the  beginning   of   the
relationship.

     Personal relationships are not controlled from inside
any control center;  thus no participant can determine the
course of a relationship.

     The  process   of   the   development   of   intimate
relationships  cannot be meaningfully studied  objectively
in  the standard scientific mode of relating to the object
of  study;  because only participants in the  relationship
are  fully  informed  of what is taking place  within  the
relationship.

     Detachment is  not  a sound  foundation  for  gaining
information   about   the   dynamics   of   an    intimate
relationship.  Neither is participation a sound foundation
for gaining an objective perspective on the dynamics of an
intimate relationship.   The situation is analogous to the
Heisenberg Uncertainty principle of physics in that  there
is  a  limit on  the combined accuracies of  participatory
knowledge and objective knowledge.

     Objective  perspectives  of  the  dynamics   of   the
development of intimate relationships do not provide light
to show the way and guide such developments in integrative
ways.  The scientific concepts of cause and effect are not
adequate  when considering what the participants  can  and
cannot   do  to  lead  the  development  of  an   intimate
relationship.    The  participants  are  not  entirely  in
control  of the course of events,  for the relationship is
giving  them  birth,  as  much as  they are  creating  the
relationship.   The concepts of cause and effect  are  not
clarifying concepts in such developments.

     Participants  in  an  intimate  relationship   cannot
effectively  plan the future of their relationship and  be
in  control  of the fulfillment of the plan;  not even  if
they  cooperate  in  the  development  of  the  plan   and
certainly  not if they do not cooperate in the development
of the plan.  External considerations are bound to impinge
on  the relationship and have consequences over which  the
participants cannot have control.   Only in a broad  sense
can  the participants in a relationship commit  themselves
to  the sustenance of the integrity of their  relationship
in  the  face  of  adversity;   they  cannot  control  its
evolution fully.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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