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%PRETEND BEING OTHER TRULY SELF ACCEPT LOVE INHIBIT 910223

     When we feel that we must pretend to be other than we
truly are in our inner being, we cannot be open and honest
in true love.

     Pretending gets  in  the way of  living  and  loving,
whether in giving or in receiving.   Pretending to like or
dislike  according to some conventional  prescription  for
conformity  is  dishonest,   and  leads  to  personal  and
communal disintegrations.

     True living  is not dominated by efforts  to  achieve
conformity,  for such efforts are dishonest to the  extent
that  effort must be exerted to succeed in them.  When  no
effort   is  made  to  conform,   yet   behavior   matches
expectation,  then there is no coercion and no dishonesty.
Such  true  behavior  cannot helpfully be  required,   for
requirements   elicit   dishonest  conformity   which   is
disintegrative.

     True  behavior   may   be  elicited   by   liberating
invitations which encourage people to be their true unique
self  in  open and honest relationships.    True  behavior
cannot   be  promoted  by  requirements  which  call   for
conformity   to   some  standards  for  proper   emotions,
thoughts, expressions and/or behaviors.  Coercion does not
promote  integrity  at  either the  personal  or  communal
level.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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