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%PROPER CONFORM FEEL THINK KNOW SELF SEX OTHER LOVE 910121

     When   life   is  fully regulated   by   conventions,
rules,  traditions,   expectations,  codes, laws,   taboos
and  their like;    very few people have the courage to be
honest   with   themselves  or  others  about  what   they
experience,  perceive,  desire,    fear,    hope,    need,
expect,     etc.     This  is particularly true  regarding
sexuality.

     When  sexual  behavior is regulated by  taboos  which
threaten   excommunication    for  nonconformity,     then
personal  honesty is virtually impossible;   for  personal
honesty    will    reveal    non-conformal    experiences,
perceptions,      desires,     fears,    hopes,     needs,
expectations,  etc.   The dishonesty which is required  by
sexual  taboos is contagious and  spreads   to  non-sexual
relationships.    The  manipulations  of   the perceptions
of  experiences,   desires,  fears,  hopes,   needs,   and
expectations which are motivated by sexual taboos come  to
be   regarded  as  normal and  natural;    and   lead   to
manipulations within the family,  religious,  educational,
business, political and international communities.

     The    manipulations    of   the    perceptions    of
experiences,   desires,    fears,    hopes,    needs   and
expectations  which are regarded  as  essential for proper
sexual behavior  become patterns   for  manipulations   in
cycles   of   addiction,  codependence   and   collusions;
where  each  cycle   is  more intense  than  the  previous
cycle,    leading  ultimately  to personal  and   communal
disintegration   and   death  in  a multitude of forms  of
terror and violence.

     To   thine   own self be true;   else you  cannot  be
true   to  others.   Know your own experiences,   desires,
fears,   hopes,  needs and expectations;  own them as your
own,    and  do with them   whatever  will  promote   your
integrity   and    the integrity of your narrow  and  wide
community.   You  cannot do with  them what  will  promote
integrity if you do not first know  them as your own,  and
do  not share them with others as  your  own.    Integrity
of  all kinds is rooted  in  and nourished by honesty.  In
the  absence  of  honesty with self:  integrity   is   not
rooted,   integrity  is  not  nourished,  integrity is not
shared, and disintegration occurs.

     In   the  absence of sexual honesty with   self   and
other,    personal   and   communal  integrity   are   not
possible.      Any   conventions,    rules,    traditions,
expectations,  codes,  laws,  taboos  and their like which
threaten  sexual  honesty   with self  and  other   are  a
threat  to   personal  and  communal integrity;  and  such
threats do not merit respect.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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