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%PLEASURE CONTROL RELATIONSHIP PERSONAL THING ENJOY 910113

     If  we  find  some  personal  relationship  gives  us
pleasure we may  be  tempted  to  regain that pleasure  by
trying   to  control  the relationship for  that  purpose.
The   pleasure which we enjoyed,   however,  was rooted in
the   authenticity   and    honesty   of   the    original
relationship.   Such  pleasure cannot  be regained through
manipulation and control which undermines authenticity and
honesty.

     We  may  be  able  to control some  aspects  of  what
objects   do:    their    forms,      compositions     and
accelerations.     We   can describe    some    invariable
patterns   in   inter-object relationships with scientific
laws,    but we cannot  change any  of  those   invariable
patterns which  are  accurately described   by  scientific
laws.      We   cannot   pass    new  scientific  laws  as
legislatures pass civil laws.

     We  cannot truly control any persons as  individuals.
At best we   can  get individuals to pretend to  be  as we
indicate we want  them  to  be.   There are no  invariable
patterns  in inter-personal relationships.  As soon as one
is described,  someone is likely in rebellion to refuse to
conform  to  the pattern   and  be  the  exception   which
undermines   the invariability of the presumed pattern.

     Objects   and  objective relationships do not provide
much guidance  for  understanding or  controlling  persons
and   inter-personal    relationships.       There     are
essential   differences   between   the   two   kinds   of
relationships.   Inter-personal   relationships   are  not
objects  or  like  objects,  and  cannot be understood  in
objective  ways  because it  is the  participants  in  the
relationships   who  are  in  reflexive  ways  trying   to
understand their own relationships---and by the definition
of  what  is  meant  by  objective  understanding  it   is
impossible    for  participants  in    relationships    to
objectively    understand   their    own    relationships.
Objectivity  indicates  detachment  from  what  is  to  be
understood. Participants cannot be detached from their own
participation, just as water cannot be dry.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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