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  %PARENT PROTECT RESCUE SAVE RESPONSE CHILD ADDICT 910107

     Parents   have  limited  responsibility  to  protect,
rescue,   save and respond to their children.   The  child
should  not be in charge of controlling the parent.    The
parent should not  be  in charge of controlling the child.
Parents  and children are independent creatures who cannot
control each other,    and should not try to control  each
other  because there cannot be healthy control.

     If parents  assume  excessive  responsibility  to  be
responsive  to,    to  protect,  to  rescue  and  to  save
children;  they will nurture  addictive  and   codependent
patterns  in   their children,  and the parents are likely
to become addicted in codependent  ways.   Parents need to
recognize,     know  and acknowledge  the limits of  their
responsibilities to their children whom they cannot own in
the sense of  possessions to  be  controlled.   If they do
not recognize,   know  and acknowledge those limits,  they
are  bound  to  try  to exceed those  limits  with  tragic
consequences.

     Parents    need  to  recognize  that    inappropriate
generosity (even  within  parental limits)   can  generate
un-healthy dependency on the part of their children.  Such
generosity   is  likely  to  be  stretched  by  increasing
expectations,   so that eventually the parental limits are
reached.   Children who  do  not learn how to take care of
themselves   within their own limits learn to depend  upon
parents (or  others) to  take  care  of them within limits
which  the  children cannot meet;   but which the  parents
(or others)   can meet,  until  rising  expectations  lead
to   real  limits  being reached.    When the  child  gets
used  to living  within  the larger limitations of parents
(or  others),   then the child is  dependent  upon   those
who  have taught  the  child  to expect their  generosity.
Such  a  child is a prisoner of  an  addictive/codependent
relationship  which  needs to be dealt with   openly   and
honestly for it to be transcended.    The excesses of  the
relationship   cannot  be  controlled   through   superior
power,        will,       resources,         intelligence,
sophistication,  education, etc. The only way to transcend
the  dysfunctional aspects of such a relationship  are  to
deal  with  the  relationship  openly  and  honestly;   to
recognize,  acknowledge and deal with the dishonesty which
has been present in it,  and to recover honesty as the way
to health.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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