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%CREATIVE NEW RELATIONSHIP QUESTIONS PARADIGM SHIFT 901120

When   they   become  aware  of  creative   new   personal
relationships people ask questions, implicitly or overtly.
The  kind  of questions which people ask  depends  greatly
upon the paradigm within which questioners live---and upon
the   questioner's  grounds  for  self  perception,   self
understanding  and self esteem;  and also upon the grounds
for reconciliation, redemption and salvation.

Questioners  may  ask regarding a  creative  new  personal
relationship whether or not it:

1.  Conforms to expectations of various forms/sources?

2.  Respects conventional persons and authorities?

3.  Obeys informal taboos, rules and regulations?

4.  Questions highly respected traditions?

5.  Supports unquestioned beliefs and assumptions?

6.  Is under proper control and regulation?

7.  Obeys required rules of discipline and thought?

8.  Respects disturbing new combinations of ideas?

9.  Communicates only in approved languages?

10.  Threatens the power of the authorities?

Such  questions are expressive of defensive insecurity and
do not lead to integrative understanding or behaviors. The
questions are tragically misleading. They divert attention
from  more  helpful  questions which  might  be  asked  by
healthy  people who are secure in their intimately  honest
vulnerability.

Is the new relationship characterized by:

1.  Honesty?

2.  Equally shared power?

3.  Spontaneous responsiveness?

4.  Balance?

5.  Healthy change and growth?

6.  Win/Win conflict resolution?

7.  Emotional authenticity?

8.  Personal and relational integrity?

9.  Respect for others' desires and integrity?

10.  Respect for communal concerns and integrity?

People  who regularly ask the first kind of questions tend
not  to ask or respect the second kind of questions;   for
they  are trapped in a paradigm which narrows their vision
to the first kind of questions.  The honest answers to the
second  kind  of questions seem irrelevant to  them,   for
their perceptions of the implications of their answers  to
the  first  kind of questions seem clear to them in  black
and  white  terms;  and so are beyond question and  beyond
reconsideration.

The  first  kind  of  questions  imprison  those  who  are
preoccupied  with  them.   The second  kind  of  questions
liberate those who ask them earnestly.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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