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 %ADDICT CODEPENDENT TRUST RISK DESIRE BELIEVE TRUE 900929

     Addicts and codependents trust each other to  believe
what  each  wants to believe,  whether it is true or  not.
This leaves them free to tell the truth or not,  whichever
is  convenient  to  each  in their games  of  mutual  self
deception.

     The  addict  makes  promises of  reform,   and  often
believes the promises because s/he wants to;  even  though
unable to keep identical promises in the recent past.  The
codependent  upon hearing the promises of reform wants  to
believe the promises,  and does so;  even though the  same
promises  have  been  made and broken many  times  in  the
recent past.

     The codependent says s/he will no longer put up  with
the  irresponsible behavior of the addict,  and says  s/he
will  not do what the addict will want done when things go
badly. This statement is a different sort of thing,  it is
not an ordinary promise;  it both is and is not a promise.
It is a claim of unreliability,  a  claim that the  addict
will not be able to rely on the codependent to rescue; but
the  addict  knows better and wants to  believe  that  the
codependent  is  not telling the truth---and  so  believes
that  the codependent can be relied upon to rescue when it
is imprudent and not helpful to rescue.

     Thus the addict and the codependent confuse the truth
and  falsehood  to  such  an extent  that  the  difference
between  truth and falsehood is no longer clear and  makes
no  difference  in their daily life.  They do not make  or
recognize the distinction between truth and falsehood, and
believe what they want to believe when they want to; about
their  own and the other's behaviors and statements.  They
lose touch with reality and each other.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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