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   %OSTENSIBLE VS PRACTICED COLLUSIVE VALUES IDEALS 900928

     It  is  important  to recognize  and  deal  with  the
difference  between  the  values and ideals  which  people
present themselves as believing and supporting on the  one
hand,   and  the  values and ideals  which  they  actually
practice in their daily behavior. If the difference is not
recognized  and  dealt  with  wisely,   the  cost  of  not
recognizing  it  and dealing with the  difference  can  be
great;   and  in many cases the failure is tragic  in  the
classical sense of being tragic.

     The difference between values and ideals which people
present  themselves as believing and supporting on the one
hand,   and  the  values and ideals  which  they  actually
practice  in their daily behavior may often be seen as  an
important  aspect of their addictive,  codependent  and/or
collusive  way  of  life.   The difference is  a  form  of
dishonesty.   The  dishonesty  may be covert to  both  the
person who practices the dishonesty and to those for  whom
the dishonest is practiced. In collusions the participants
engage  in mutual self deception.  The difference  between
ostensible and practiced values is created by the games of
mutual   self   deception  and  so  is   covert   to   all
participants.

     Authentic  health  and integrity is not  possible  so
long  as there is a lack of coherence  between  ostensible
ideals  and practiced ideals.  The difference needs to  be
recognized  and dealt with wisely in ways which  transcend
collusive games of mutual self deception.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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