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   %COMFORTABLE GIVE ACCEPT RECEIVE HOLD HUG AFFECT 900801

     To  be comfortable with ourselves and each  other  we
need  to  be able to give,  to accept,   to  receive,   to
understand  and  to integrate both comfort  and  affection
within the whole of our daily lives.

     If we are not comfortable with our self and with each
other, we are not truly healthy, we are dis-eased;  for we
cannot  be  true  to our self and to each  other  when  we
cannot be comfortable together.  To be healthy we need  to
be honest together,  with each other.  It is not enough to
be honest separately.

     True honesty involves sharing,  integrating separated
parts of the whole.

     True  honesty entails integrating parts of the  whole
in  an  understandable way which is free of confusion  and
misunderstanding.   In  dishonesty the parts of the  whole
fall  apart,   become  alienated,   disintegrate,   become
incoherent, are inconsistent, are unreliable, etc.

     And  yet,  in a paradoxical way in dishonesty  people
try  to compensate for their alienation through  confusion
in  which  they  try  to bring the  separated  parts  back
together with fusion which is con-fusion.  This is done in
an  incoherent way which makes no real sense.  It is  done
in:

fusion which is incoherent confusion,

manipulative togetherness which is coercion,

addictive love which is falsely called "true-love"
when it is in fact false-love,

dependency which is compulsively clinging to each
other with no freedom to be separate, no freedom to
detach.

     People who are unable to give and accept comfort  are
not  comfort-able  with  each other because they  are  not
being  honest  with  themselves  and  each  other,   about
themselves and each other,  in integrative ways.  They are
trying to manipulate each other and themselves to  achieve
the  comfort  which they have not authentically  received,
but  instinctively  miss in ignorance of what it  is  they
they are lacking.

     Technical manipulations do not bring comfort,  do not
achieve comfort,  cannot control comfort; do not make self
and  other  comfort-able;  i.e.,  able to offer,   accept,
receive  and  enjoy  the  comfort  of  intimate  presence,
hugging and holding.

     Manipulators  are  unable  to enjoy  the  comfort  of
intimate  presence,   conversation,  hugging  and  holding
because  such enjoyment is not possible in the absence  of
security which is the freedom to be vulnerable.  We cannot
be  secure in the absence of the freedom to be vulnerable;
because  in its absence we cannot be comfort-able  because
we are not comforted and do not comfort.

     Technically   competent   technocrats   are    rarely
comfortable.   They  dishonestly pretend that  it  is  NOT
important  to  be able to accept,  receive and  enjoy  the
comfort of intimate presence,  conversation,  hugging  and
holding.  Such activities are viewed as not  sophisticated
enough to merit their attention.  Such activities are  too
simple to be important,  for to technocrats importance  is
associated  with complexity and sophistication;  and  also
with  manipulations and the ability to be in control.  The
attitudes,    values,   ideals,   and  preoccupations   of
technocrats  make them eternally uncomfortable-able.  Thus
they  tend to be defensive and prone to use technology  to
try to achieve security through defensive maneuvers  which
undermine  true  security which is the freedom to be  both
vulnerable and comfort-able.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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