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  %CHILD ADULT PARENT WITHIN PERSON PERMISSION SELF 900716

     Within each person of any physical age we may discern
aspects of the person which we may call the  child-within,
the  adult-within,  and the parent-within.  Each aspect is
developed  in various ways and/or presents itself more  or
less clearly;  depending upon physical age and the details
of personal experience and response.

     The child-within may be characterized by spontaneity,
vitality,  creativity,  imagination,  desires,  enjoyment,
pleasures, and emotional responsiveness.

     The adult-within may be characterized by attention to
facts,  details, procedures, technique, logic, reason, and
technical competence to achieve a selected goal.

     The  parent-within may be characterized by the  power
to nurture, encourage, support, affirm and provide comfort
and  affection  in wise ways which generate  the  security
which is the prudent freedom to be vulnerable.

     If   the  child-within  has  not  been  granted   the
permission to authentically be true to itself;  the child-
within  pretends  to be whatever may please its  fancy  in
efforts   to  elicit  nurture,   encouragement,   support,
affirmation, comfort and affection from available persons.

     A  failure to grant permission to the child-within to
be  authentically true to itself is an instruction to  the
child-within  to  engage  in  misleading,   deceptive  and
dishonest  behavior;   which  evolves  in  time  to  fully
developed    patterns    of    personal    and    communal
disintegration.

     The   child-within  seeks  nurture,    encouragement,
support,   affirmations,  comfort and affection;  but  not
necessarily wisely;  for early in life the adult-within in
poorly developed.

     If the child-within finds no mature parent present in
the  family,   the child is at a loss for a  helpful  role
model  to offer wise guidance through exemplary  behavior.
The  child-within may team up with native ability and lead
the development of a manipulative adult-within to create a
technically  competent,   yet  manipulatively   dishonest,
pattern  of  coping.  It is dangerous not  to  permit  the
child-within to be true to itself,  and not to permit  the
child-within to be honest about itself.

     Withholding  such  permission to be honestly true  to
self is an instruction to the child-within to be dishonest
in imaginative and creative ways;  and the child-within is
fully  capable  of  being  dishonest  in  imaginative  and
creative  ways,  in clever efforts to try to get,  own and
control what absent parents are not supplying. High levels
of   sophistication   and  technical  competence  may   be
developed   and  dedicated  to  such  efforts  under   the
direction  of  the child-within.  In the absence  of  wise
parental guidance and nurture many such efforts are likely
to  be frustrated,  and lead to a frustrated  child-within
who is likely to express its frustration in disintegrative
acting out of the frustration.

     The  child-within  does not know how to  express  its
emotions,   if  it  has  not seen  honest  expressions  of
emotions  by  present parents.  The child-within does  not
know  how to wisely direct its creative abilities,  if  it
has  not seen creative abilities wisely guided by  present
parents. The child-within does not know what true security
is,   if it has not been permitted to be true to self  and
other in honest and open dialogue. The child-within has no
companion wise parent-within if the parents of the child's
family have been physically,  emotionally, and spiritually
absent  from the child;  if they have not offered nurture,
encouragement,    support,   affirmations,   comfort   and
affection  in  wise  ways  which give  the  gift  of  true
security  which is the prudent freedom to be vulnerable in
honestly intimate relationships.

     In case of absence and need the child-within may take
over  and  develop a sophisticated dishonest  adult-within
who seeks to be good at misleading manipulations  designed
to  get  internal  needs filled under the control  of  the
child-within. Such efforts to achieve satisfaction through
being  a  good manipulator of self,  others,  and  things;
brings no lasting satisfaction and much frustration, which
the  child-within does not know how to express  creatively
or  to  deal  with effectively.   Emotional  maturity  and
competence  are not the strong suits of the  child-within,
or of the sophisticated adult developed under the guidance
of  the  child-within.  In the absence of a  wise  parent-
within  (because  of the absence of wise  parents  in  the
family of origin) the child-within is lost and confused in
the  shuffle of a meaningless and unsatisfactory life.  No
technically competent definitions and procedures have  the
power   to  compensate  for  the  lacks  which  have  been
suffered.   See  books  by  Robert  Subby  for  additional
insights.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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