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%ADDICTIVE SOCIETY ACKNOWLEDGE NEEDS TRUE LOVE BIND 900715

     Members of an addictive society are in a double bind:
they  have an emptiness inside which need to be fulfilled,
apparently  needing to be filled by what can be owned  and
controlled.   Yet  being filled by what can be  owned  and
controlled  never seems to fulfill the need which is felt;
the  emptiness  remains no matter how much  is  owned  and
controlled.   Addicts  yearn  for true love,   but  cannot
truthfully  acknowledge their need for true love;  because
such  an acknowledgement will violate the rules  of  their
collusive games of mutual self deception.  True love would
expose their dishonesty.

     Only  true  love can fulfill the need for  which  the
addictive person yearns; but the ruling addictive paradigm
says that only what can be controlled can possibly lead to
fulfillment. True love cannot be controlled. The addictive
person  again and again reaches for what appear to be  the
possibilities of true love; and by trying to control those
possibilities  destroys  them,   and is  left  empty  with
another empty relationship of addiction and codependence.

     To  enjoy the fulfillment of true love is to give  up
the  dishonest  games of mutual self  deception,   and  to
acknowledge that fulfillment comes to those who are honest
about their: needs, desires, fears, mistakes,  weaknesses,
insecurity,  faults, imperfections, dishonesty, etc.  Such
acknowledgements  are unthinkable to anyone who is in  the
prison  of addictive/codependent relationships with  their
collusive   games   of  mutual   self   deception.    Such
acknowledgements  are unthinkable in the sense that  their
possibility  cannot  and  do  not rise  to  the  level  of
conscious consideration.

     Yet  at  an  instinctive level  even  the  imprisoned
addict  and  codependent  know in a  dim  way  that  their
frustrations   are   rooted  in  their  dishonesty   about
themselves   and   each   other.    They   need   positive
encouragement to deal with their dishonesty.  They need  a
fail-safe  social  context where it becomes thinkable  for
them to honestly acknowledge their: needs, desires, fears,
mistakes,  weaknesses, insecurity, faults,  imperfections,
dishonesty,  etc. They need the true security which is the
freedom to be vulnerable.  They cannot recover true health
and integrity in the absence of such true security.   Thus
dealing  with the consequences of addictive behavior  must
involve  providing such true security within which addicts
may  recover.   Such  true security is not  likely  to  be
provided for them in traditional prisons.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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