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    %UNDERSTAND COLLUSIVE ADDICTIVE DEPENDENT LOGIC 900624

     We  cannot  cope  creatively  with  the  dilemmas  of
collusive, addictive and codependent behavior if we do not
properly understand the confused reasoning and/or logic of
those who engage in such behavior.

     We  cannot properly understand collusive,   addictive
and   codependent  reasoning  and/or  logic  if   we   are
compulsively   dedicated   to  exclusively   intellectual,
scholarly, quantitative, objective,  scientific and linear
processes.

     We  cannot properly understand collusive,   addictive
and   codependent   reasoning  and/or  logic  if  we   are
compulsively  dedicated  to  treating  all  situations  as
problems for which there must be technical solutions.

     The  attitudes,   values,   ideals  and  goals  which
motivate  and  lead collusive,  addictive and  codependent
behavior are rooted in hidden fears,  desires,  yearnings,
needs,    perceptions,   thoughts,    conclusions.     The
conclusions  which those hidden considerations have led to
are  also hidden:  only the behaviors and rationalizations
to which they led are open for view by others.

     The   confused  behaviors  and  rationalizations   of
colluders,  addicts  and codependents make no sense to any
person who is  unaware  of the hidden considerations which
generated  them.    The rationalizations  are  incomplete,
incoherent, and lack integrity:  because key pieces of the
twisted "logic"  remain hidden.   The rationalizations get
from one step of the logic to another step of the logic in
ways which are driven (both motivated and guided) by fear.

     The fears of colluders, addicts, and codependents are
paradoxical   fears:   fears  of  abandonment,    neglect,
rejection,   isolation,   ridicule,  etc.   born  in  long
forgotten childhood experiences.  In a paradoxical way the
fears  are  at  the same time also fears  of  the  unknown
pleasures of nurture,   attention,  acceptance, community,
confirmation, and love which would expose all the   hidden
inconsistencies, lies, deceptions and pretenses which have
been  used in childish  defensive efforts to  survive  and
achieve a false sense of security.

     Our  fears  can  be stilled only by  letting  go  and
letting  God lead us into personal relationships which are
motivated and guided by Love which we cannot control.  Yet
we  are  driven by hidden fears which say we cannot  trust
anybody  under  any circumstances.   We rationalize  those
fears and make our logic appear to be reasonable;  but the
motivation  for  the steps in the logic remains hidden  in
the  most secret places of our memories of  early  passive
and active abuse.  Violence and neglect of all kinds leave
their scars which remain hidden in most of us.   We cannot
cope creatively so long as the scars remain hidden and are
not honestly dealt with.

     To  regain our health we need to understand  how  our
attitudes,  thoughts, perceptions, logic and reasoning are
often rooted in our hidden fears which drive us to  repeat
old  mistakes   over and over,  without insight  into  the
dynamics  of  our dysfunctional  families  of  origin  and
their tragic behaviors.

     We need to uncover that which we have hidden,  grieve
our early losses in life so we can honestly deal with  the
reality of them, and see clearly how that which was hidden
is driving us to repeat for our children the tragedies  of
our own childhoods.   Those who cannot see and  creatively
deal with the mistakes of their own parents, are doomed to
repeat those mistakes for their own children.

     The recovery process will be difficult to people  who
demonstrate  an  embarrassing  disdain for some  modes  of
communication: touching,  affection, body language, facial
expressions,   sexuality,   modes of  movement,   symbolic
actions, music, dance, artistic expressions, etc. Recovery
will  be  enhanced  to  the  extent  that  all  modes   of
communication  are  involved.  Recovery will be stifled to
the extent that some modes of communication are  repressed
and/or  totally  ignored.  Integration  is incomplete when
some parts of the whole are systematically left out.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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