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 %PERMIT KNOW YOURSELF GROUP SUPPORT LOVE RULES JOY 900623

     The  personal  recovery from unhealthy tacit rules of
collusive  games of mutual self deception  is  exceedingly
difficult  in  the  absence of the support of a  group  of
reliable friends who are committed to actively  permitting
each other to know themselves openly and honestly.

     Living  as a child or youth  in  a  group  of  people
(family,  school, business, church,  etc.)  who are unable
to  permit  each  other  to  know  themselves  openly  and
honestly usually generates  early survival skills which in
adult life evolve into codependent reflexive attitudes and
behaviors,  and promote associated addictive attitudes and
behaviors.   Such skills are  ultimately  unhealthy,   and
confuse  their  victims so much that they cannot  see  why
they are unhealthy.

     The  recovery of health and a zestful living style is
facilitated by the antidote of a support group  of  honest
friends who encourage each other to know themselves openly
and honestly within the  supportive context  of the group.
Within such a friendly group the unhealthy earlier lessons
may be recognized,  acknowledged, mourned, let-go;  and so
transcended.   Some of the first steps towards recovery of
health  involve  the  discovery/creation of  such  support
group(s).

     Where healthy support groups  do not already exist it
is essential  for people in need of them to discover  ways
of creating them.  This not an easy process for people who
have learned that they cannot trust anybody!   People  who
are honestly seeking to recover their health need to  seek
each  other out.   This may be done through the process of
taking  small  risks  to test  how  trustworthy  potential
friends may be.   Upon  discovering people with whom it is
safe to  be honest,  it helps to seek to gather together a
group of people  who  are  honestly seeking the freedom to
authentically be themselves.   Such  a  support  group can
cooperate  in developing  a  new  life  style in place  of
compulsively trying to reflect each  other's  expectations
in  houses  of  mirrors where nobody knows themselves   as
a unique person.

     In such support groups understandings need to develop
regarding the importance of permitting each other to know,
feel,  acknowledge,  and share themselves as they actually
are;   rather than as they think others want them  to  be.
Steps  need  to be taken to gently elicit  honesty and  to
charitably  confront  dishonesty.     Acceptance  of   and
celebration  of  authenticity;   and  disappointment  with
pretense should be the rule, not the exception.

     Honest  dialogue  is  bound to  run  into  roadblocks
because unhealthy life-styles are so often the comfortable
status quo  styles  which  are defended due to fear of the
unknown healthy life-styles which stand in the shadows  of
the wings of the stage of codependent and addictive lives.

     The  process  of  personal recovery is  not  only  an
intellectual   process.    It  involves  more   than   the
processing of  facts and cognitive statements of  abstract
relationships.  The process of recovery is not essentially
a    quantitative    process,     and   it    cannot    be
described/facilitated     by    primarily     quantitative
considerations.     The  process  of  recovery  is  not  a
technical procedure,  and cannot be accomplished by people
who  are  essentially  technical  experts.   An  essential
aspect  of  recovery  of health is the  recovery  of  both
personal and communal integrity in ways which balance both
personal and communal needs for integrity.   Thus communal
support groups  are essential to the  recovery  of health,
and  people  seeking recovery of  health  need  to  gather
together   to form such support groups wherever   they  do
not yet exist.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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