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   %PARENT AFFIRM SEX EROTIC EXPRESSION GIVE LET-GO 900609

     In  the absence of parental affirmation of sexuality,
erotic relationships, and healthy sex  education; children
are  likely  to  internalize  the message  that  there  is
something  fundamentally wrong with their sexual  feelings
and  erotic tendencies.   The confusion is deepened in the
absence of normal expressions of human affection which are
not   sexual  or  erotic  in  character.    The  emotional
debilitation  is  even deeper in the absence  of  friendly
presence  on  the part of the parents as real  persons  to
their children.  No amount of logical analysis, reasoning,
formal  teaching or reading will be an adequate substitute
for such lacks.

     Children who have experience such lacks at some point
need to come to terms with the reality of what they lacked
in  their childhoods,  acknowledge their loss,  and grieve
over their loss to honestly come to terms with the reality
of the loss.  To acknowledge the loss  intellectually  but
not emotionally  is  unlikely to free them from the prison
of repressing the unresolved memory of the loss.

     In the absence of an adequate  acknowledgement of and
coming to terms with such a loss, the adult is  likely  to
try  to  relive their childhood as an adult child,  and be
doomed to relive the impotence of their childhood in adult
settings, over and over and over; without understanding or
control.

     Adults  with  dysfunctional families of origin  which
have not  been  acknowledged  as such,   are  likely to be
dysfunctional  parents  and  repeat the cycle  by  failing
their children as their  parents  failed them.   They  are
likely  to  express their unresolved frustrations,  anger,
grief, loss, etc. through addictive behaviors which may be
deceptively  different  in overt appearance than those  of
their  family of origin;  yet be fundamentally the same at
heart.    Their  dysfunctional behaviors are likely to  be
childish   attempts  to  deal  with  their  impotence  and
inability to control what cannot  be controlled;  in their
past,  present and/or future.  Their behavior is rooted in
failing  to  be  emotionally  open and  honest  about  the
realities of their early lives.

     Such adults need to get in touch with their emotional
roots  and let go of their immature attempts to fix  them;
acknowledge their emotional roots and detach in love which
sets  them free to be mature adults no longer tied to  the
situations  of their childhood.   They need to acknowledge
and  to say goodby with emotional honesty to the  memories
of  their  childhood,  in order to be released from  their
compulsions  to  try  to fix themselves  and  others  with
substitutes  which  cannot fill the emotional holes  which
they feel.

     For  further  development of these thoughts  see  the
book   "Love  is  a  Choice---Recovery   for   codependent
relationships"    by Hemfelt,   Minirith and Meier,   1989
by Thomas  Nelson Publishers,   Nashville,   TN.   and the
book  "Healing  the  Family  Within"   by  Robert   Subby,
published by Health Communications, Inc. in 1990.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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