This is http://www.essayz.com/a9004241.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %HONEST CONFLICT TENSION STRESS PRETENSE REDUCTION 900424 There are real conflicts in which people on opposite sides of the conflict have legitimate and honest differences in their affirmation of legitimate values. It is not helpful to pretend that such differences do not exist, nor to try to reduce such conflicts through any form of dishonest pretense. There are also many destructive conflicts which are ultimately rooted in pretense, dishonesty, and efforts to leave people with false impressions. In many such destructive conflicts the conflict may be transcended by honestly seeking to clarify what the nature of the conflict is: it is an attempt to successfully play collusive games of mutual and self deception. Participants in collusive games of mutual and self deception are in tension and under stress, because they are trying to appear to be what they in reality are not. Such conflict is at root the conflict between truth and falsehood. Much of our tension, stress and conflict is rooted in attempts to be successfully misleading. Such tension, stress and conflict can be reduced by learning how to be relaxed in open and honest dialogue. Initial efforts in such conflict reduction are likely to appear to be failures; for as we seek to be honest we become more aware of how dishonest we have been and continue to be, and so our level of awareness of our conflict, tension and stress may rise---even as we are beginning to transcend some of our conflict, tension and stress. We pretend not to have stress, tension and conflict. When we learn how to be less pretentious we learn to be more honest about our experiences of stress, tension and conflict; and so it may appear to us that our dedication to honesty is not leading to any satisfactory form of success. In the face of that reality we need to remind ourselves that integrity and health cannot possibly be achieved by increasing the levels of our self deception and mutual deception. Honesty clearly must play a central role in any recovery from disintegrative patterns of behavior. The farther we are into such patterns, the longer will be the road to recovery, health, and integrity within our persons and our communities. When we experience stress and tension in conflict we will do well to seek to discover how much of our stress and tension is rooted in dishonest attitudes and patterns of thought and behavior. Are we being honest with ourselves? Are we being honest with others? Are we leaving ourselves and others with false impression through intent or neglect? Are we pretending to be able to do and be what we cannot do and be? Are we being honestly realistic in budgeting our limited time, money and other resources? Are we pretending that we have unlimited time, money or other resources? If we are pretending to have super-human powers and abilities we are likely to experience destructive conflict, stress and tension; for we will put ourselves in situations with which we cannot honestly cope as mere mortals. If we are pretending not to be mortals, we will experience conflict, stress and tension; for part of us knows that we are mortal, and the pretentious part will be in conflict with the honest part of us. We will be in stress and tension because of an internal conflict between truth and falsehood. If we are pretending not to experience many of our fundamental emotions, we will be under stress and tension because of the conflict between our real selves and our pretentious selves. If we cannot be honest about our emotional experiences, we cannot relax and enjoy serenity or tranquility. If we are pretending to believe what we in reality do not believe, we are in conflict and will experience the stress and tension of contention between our conflicting parts. Belief has to do with convictions upon which we base our decisions and actions. To pretend to believe what we do not believe means that part of our behavior must appear to be based upon one set of convictions, and other parts of our behavior must appear to be based upon contradictory convictions; and there is no integrity in our whole being, for it is fragmented. Such destructive conflict can be reduced only through a return to being honest in very fundamental ways, even though such honesty may bring us into conflict with people who are dedicated in deadly to continued dishonesty and continued collusive games of mutual self deception. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================