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 %UNHEALTHY VICTIM FRIEND ABUSED CODEPENDENT ADDICT 900329

     If  your friend lets you take advantage of her in  an
unbalanced  way,   you  are  probably  drifting  into   an
unhealthy  relationships which will undermine your  health
and  her health.   There is little long term advantage  to
you   in   letting   yourself  drift   into   an   abusive
relationships,   even  if it is  you  who  are  apparently
gaining the advantage in the abusive relationships.

     In   abusive  relationships the abused  victim  often
plays   the  role   of   manipulative   codependent    who
manipulates   the  abuser  in   ways    which  the  abuser
cannot  see.       The person   who apparently  is playing
the  dominant  role  is often just  as much the victim  of
the apparent victim,  as vice versa.

     The  apparent  victim  in  an  addictive  codependent
relationship is the codependent.   The apparent abuser  is
the  addict.    In fact each is usually  manipulating  the
other in ways which neither of them can perceive with  any
clarity within their confused relationship.

     It  is  dangerous to let yourself drift into  such  a
relationship,   because  the farther you get into it,  the
harder  it is to recognize where you are,  and how to  get
out  of  the  mixed  up  bag  of  advantages  and horrible
disadvantages of being trapped in such a relationship. The
time  to begin recovery  from  such  a relationship  is as
early as possible, not as late as possible.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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