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 %HEALTH FAULTY SELF ESTEEM FIXED ADDICT ASSUMPTION 891107

     Genuinely  healthy people have a healthy self  esteem
and do not make the assumption that they are fundamentally
faulty  or at fault.  People who are trapped in  addictive
and   codependent  patterns  of   assumptions,    beliefs,
convictions,  feelings and thought often regard themselves
as fundamentally faulty or at fault;  and in need of being
fixed, in need of a fix.

     The    difference between health and dis-ease is  not
in  the nature   of   being faulty or at fault,  or in the
nature  of  the  fix  which  is  apparently  needed.   The
difference is in the nature of the assumptions made,   and
the  nature  of the self perception of the essence of  the
self.

     Essentially  healthy  people perceive  themselves  as
essentially o.k.  and perceive others as essentially o.k.;
even  though not perfect.  Essentially healthy people  are
not preoccupied with perfection or imperfections, but with
being  themselves  authentically and with  joy  in  honest
relationships.

     Addictive  and codependent people perceive themselves
as essentially faulted,  not o.k.,  and perceive others as
essentially faulted, not o.k.; as essentially not perfect.
Such  unhealthy people are preoccupied with perfection and
imperfections,    and  are  not  free  to  be   themselves
authentically with joy in honest relationships. They focus
upon  what  they  regard  as lacking  in  themselves  (and
others)   and  upon  acquiring that which  is  lacking  in
themselves;  upon whatever they feel that they need to fix
their lacks, faults, imperfections, etc.

     The  roots  of  the  difference  between  essentially
healthy  people  and  people who do not enjoy  health  may
often  be found in the differences in how much  they  have
enjoyed  authentic  love.   Those  who  have  not  enjoyed
authentic love often regard themselves as unlovable and in
need  of being fixed,  of getting a fix.  Those  who  have
enjoyed authentic love feel no need to be fixed,   because
they regard themselves as essentially lovable, even though
not  perfect.  They do not perceive perfection or  freedom
from  faults as prerequisite to being lovable.   They  are
free  to accept and to give authentic love without  regard
to imperfections,  cracks,  faults, or faulting.  They are
not  preoccupied with fixes,  or fixing,  or being  fixed.
They are through love free to be themselves.

     Addicts   and  codependents  are   preoccupied   with
expectations  of perfection,  faultlessness,   conformity,
propriety,    etc.;    and   so   are   preoccupied   with
imperfections,  failure,  blame,  shame,  sin,  guilt  and
rejection.    They   seek   to  find   fixes   for   their
imperfections,  failures, blame, shame, sin and rejection;
or  ways to fix their feelings which are  associated  with
their  imperfections,  etc.  So long as such a mind set is
kept,  health is impossible,  no matter how much effort is
expanded and how many resources are dedicated to the quest
for the fixing of the faults which preoccupy and undermine
health.   So long medical science is unable to fix what is
wrong.

     What  is  needful is a new mind set which is possible
to  people  who  know Love and live  within  the  intimate
relationships   which   Love  makes   possible,    through
acceptance  of  and  by  people who  know  that  they  are
imperfect,    but   are   not   preoccupied   with   their
imperfections.

     The roots of addiction and codependence may be  found
taking  their nutrition from efforts to promote commercial
products,  educational programs, belief systems,  rituals,
etc. as the essential means for fixing or making tolerable
whatever  may  trouble  the  potential  buyer,    student,
believer,   or  performer.  Nutrition for  addictions  and
codependence  is  drawn  from encouragement  to  make  the
called   for  sacrifices  in  money,   resources,    time,
relationships,   and  patterns of living  to  acquire  the
promoted  produce,  education,  belief system,  or  ritual
effort. Nutrition for addictions and codependence is drawn
from  all  efforts  which  encourage  the  mind-sets   and
assumptions  about self and other which are central to the
life  of addicts and codependents.  They extend far beyond
the group of people who are commonly recognized as addicts
and  codependents.   They  are  often  encouraged  through
manipulative inter-personal relationships designed without
Love; i.e., outside the context of Love.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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