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            %CHANGE WAYS OF PRETENDING TO BE BETTER 891017

     Change  is  essential to growth,  but healthy  growth
depends  upon  honest change,  not upon  the  pretense  of
change.

     Sometimes we change the ways we pretend and the kinds
of pretense which we seek to maintain.

     There  is little gain to change from pretending to be
good  in way "A"  to pretending to be good in way "B".  So
long as there is pretense in being good it is not healthy.

     Essential  change is central to healthy growth,   but
essential  change entails changes in our essential values,
ideals,  attitudes, assumptions, etc.;  not merely changes
in  the  appearances  which we present to  others  and  to
ourselves.

     We  may  engage  in collusive games  of  mutual  self
deception in which we pretend to be what we are not,   and
we  pretend to not be what we are.  We do not  cease  such
collusive  games of mutual self deception by changing what
it is that we pretend to be/not-be.

     Our  collusive  games of mutual self deception are  a
disease  which  is  central to addictive  and  codependent
behavior.   To pretend that we are no longer addictive  or
codependent  is  not  a cure of the disease.   A   central
feature of the disease is dishonesty.  We do not eliminate
that feature by pretending to be honest.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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